What would be good resources to help get to professionals, gp’s and such, and talk about personal things, considering my brain?

I kind of function as multiple parts. And I spent so many years obsessing about not disclosing personal information and reinforcing roles of separations in me for self care/punishments/functions/feeling emotions or personal subjects/etc. I was very creative and talented imo for conditioning. The more hurt, vulnerable and hidden part of me was able to come out in a pretty confusing way in 2018 after really unlikely kindness and understanding from others (someone directly mentioning protectors and someone kind of making it want to come out and feel safe elsewhere), and really intense 5h+ self harm episodes, like mimicking someone else hurting it. I couldn’t trust or be responsible or caring parts until maybe 2020 after those.

I’ve spent close to 4 years now doing the opposite and working on talking more and more, to the point that nothing about me is recognizable. I’ve completely stopped analyzing anything about me for 4 years and did really anything to stop at first (except to out-think hurtful panic/triggers), so to stop managing things or ‘self care’. And to stop the constant intense stress and intense wariness. Problem is that the worse of it needs that analysis to open up safely, but it feels like genuine progress and a hallmark of health that I stopped.

Some stressors aren’t there anymore, even less this year, and I’m alone finally. It feels extremely confusing because other parts of me are less defined sometimes, but I get really intense in whichever way at random benign triggers. It just comes back in some odd ways at times.

Anything irl or clinical for talking with adult-ey people is still as intense as ever though. I’ve spoken extensively about maybe 80% of personal things online countless times, to the point that it’s casual and too forgettable, and I need to reread and analyze a lot because it still affects me in drastic ways.

(In the past also, simply having cognitions or wants about considering talking or opening up in that minimal way warranted extreme amounts of punishments at times, weeks of routines at times, or at least until it was impossible to try. That part COULD NOT seek out, trust or open up at the time, and it’s not like it didn’t have baggage prior. So I’ll submit thinking that’s still current sometimes.)

* I’m wondering if there’s a resource to help that jump - more so than active listening? I really don’t know what to do, and I forget how to explain context to convey how intense I am or those parts are for not disclosing information, but like I’d stay up multiple days about it and one part involved for the tougher subjects won’t come out for the first years probably. I’m against it too much. I’ve been going in circles or hitting plateaus often the last 4 years, and it‘s painful when it regresses sometimes.

I‘ve never really had to use English except as a vent language (for separating subjects I think about) and don’t speak it, mb for anything.