Unusual problem- ideas please?

Hi.

I am German, 27 years old. I am pregnant at the moment but not in a relationship with the father of the child. This is not the problem. We get along well.

I recently left my traumatized narcissist mother and the whole toxic family from her side. What a relief! I won't go into my past too much, cause I know it's kinda overwhelming. Even the therapists I had could not help me or believed everything. So whatever. Period.

I am at a safe place now and finally starting to relax for the first time in my life! Seriously awesome! And I really need to plan my life well due to the child I expect. And I want to do something meaningful that actually helps people and improve the world naturally, without stress, making too much money and being in a peaceful environment with people who care, do the work without complaining constantly and who are not so self centered.

So that's a challenge but not impossible.

The real problem is: where do I go? That's a huge issue at the moment for me because I simply dont belong anywhere. I cannot identify with anything here or somewhere else.

My mom is German and my dad south African. And both want me to decide for their culture... surely not! I have lived in both countries so i know the advantages and disadvantages. And the biggest disadvantage is both countries are freaking racist against people with mixed races. So this is not an option. Germany's new right party the afd reached like 15 % in my state out of nowhere. they are now in the parliament. Great but not for me.

So the next thing is I want to leave the country. But where to go for long term? Good question. I would like to be in a place where I not leave from ths next 10 years.

Why? I moved in my 27 years of life like mors than 15 times. It's simply enough. And for a child this is just pure stress.

What I want? Go to India and live there in an ashram or temple like forever. With a child... not an option. Holy places are the only places where I feel calm.

My nervous system is just a bunch of fucked up mess. I feel so stressed I try to relax most of the time by trying to meditate, where I only fail at, listen to bhajans, sleep a lot or try to take a short walk. I suffer from nightmares that are often beyond this world cruel since I am 7. It is better now since I left my mother, but they are not gone and I constantly dream of her going after me.

So really guys I need a safe peaceful place. And dont tell me I need therapy! Therapy is not an option for me because:

1. Therapists are often very distant and dont get me like most people. That is not what I need and not what works for me.

2. For most therapists it's just a job they do. They dont genuinely care. Even if they say so, all they care for at the end of the day Is that they feel good about themselves because they help you and get paid for it. And it's not only psychotherapy. It's the whole health care sector. At the beginning you are motivated and the you realize what is really going on: the more sick people there are the more money you can make there. Several doctors, nurses and physiotherapist confirmed this to me. I am a physiotherapist myself and have experienced that live.

3. I do the work. Like seriously shadow work if you want to label it. I started with reiki healing. Did that 9 years now. And I healed myself from great menstrual problems and digestive issues for example. And tried different other techniques and healers. With success. I breathe better, can walk without pain and can actually speak normally. I get energy through my techniques, put them into the trauma, go through it and release the stress. Painful but helpful. And not impossible to bare.

So. Has anyone an idea where I can go to calm down for the rest of my life and stay there with my child so I can treat him well? Or at least stay there alone?

I dont have much time pressure. But it would be nice to get some ideas.

Thanks!