I hate this life I have but I'm not sure how to have a better one.

Living on this planet is such s beautiful thing. Now you're saying you're not happy with living or am I incorrect?

It's not so much that I don't want to live; it just seems that I won't be able to live a life I can enjoy, at least not for a long, long time of going through pain and the pain of recovery.

I don't expect it to be easy, or fair. I just want to bemore than just-barely-functional. I've been in recovery for years...and I'm tired.

I hate my life, I just don't have the resources to fix it

Thats the thing about life. There is no such thing as an instruction manual. what there is just our "gut instincts". But for arguments sake, lets say there is a manual, well adjusted people can follow it to the letter while people with issues as people on 7cups are,just stumble through life.

some difficulties are insurmountable at the moment even though you know what to do. some you just dont know about. sometimes, you do it but then its harder than imagined, you fail and lose hope from there. its a constant uphill battle in any situation. to change is to move out from your comfort zone, and that itself is obviously hard.

I read this quote the other day, "if you are not willing tochange, don't expect your life to." Depression is very much a slippery-slope; once started, it is hard to stop. Our brains workdifferently and weprocess things different than those bubbly people forwhom life is a grandexperience. I have to try hard, everyday, to make that day the best day ever. Some days, it's easier than others. And some days, my brain throws in these wonky, scary thoughts and it derails my whole mindset. Depression is like any other medical condition. I am still trying to except the fact this will be a life long struggle, with the very real chance it could be fatal. But, like any other condition, support, education, and identifying how the condition affects you are steps to managing it. You are still here, you are already stronger than those who came before. Keep plugging away and know you are most definitely NOT alone!