Cheating

@courageousHuman2692

I do not feel cheating is genetic..... maybe a pattern  of behavior that was normalized if you grew up with people who rationalized or hid everything they do ... perhaps you would feel this is more normal.   Too many thing IMO blamed on past .......as people have choices.   people who grow up poor can learn money skills / people who witness bad relationships can work on their own relationships from seeing the worst. 

       When a family member loses our respect it is hard to get that back ... unless we grow to understand them more.   Do you see them as people who may have been very unhappy .....with mental health issues ... being a parent does not make that go away. 

when you said dad lost everything did that created financial burdens or stress?     did he feel crushed and defeated/ angry ?   how or who did he take this out on? 

if you mom was abusive and cheater ... do you know first hand?  or someone else made this judgement and told you?   Do you ever feel you could  have an adult talk with her about what went wrong ? 

How were they as a couple ?    happy or miserable ?   

when we get a better picture we see parents as people maybe unhappy with their lives and choices ... maybe people who make big and bad mistakes too.    

Hey. I'm sorry you feel the fear of being a cheater. That's really surprising that it can also be genetic, though

@courageousHuman2692

Genetics is not destiny. You choose who you want to be. The truth is, for anyone in a relationship, you will likely find that you have a desire to cheat at some point. This is because everyone has negative aspects which will rub you the wrong way, and sometimes you will feel that things could be better with someone else.

The key is, at that point, don't think, "Oh yeah, this is my genetics. Now I'm going to cheat." instead think, "Oh yeah, this is normal. Everyone has thoughts like this sometimes. Now I figure out how to redirect and re-invest in my relationship."

@courageousHuman2692

It sounds like you’re grappling with some heavy realizations about your family and your feelings towards your friends. First, let’s remember that genetics don’t define your choices. They might set a framework, but you have the power to choose who you want to be, regardless of your background.

It’s understandable to feel overwhelmed, especially when you’re reflecting on your family’s past. It’s tough when the people we look up to let us down, but it doesn’t have to dictate your future. You can pave your own path and create a life that aligns with your values and desires.

As for your friends, it’s painful to feel surrounded by negativity and insincerity. Sometimes, it’s worth taking a step back and reassessing who you want in your life. You deserve connections that uplift and support you.

Change starts within you, and wishing you were different is just a sign that you want to grow. Embrace that desire! Focus on the traits you admire in others and work toward embodying those qualities yourself. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s okay to seek support as you navigate these feelings.