Venting Thread

7/18/23

I've just had a *** show of stuff going on mentally and I"m Not ok. I'm out of hospital as of two weeks ago and i'm Not functioning. My Depression is basically 9/10. I'm no longer suicidal so that's a big plus. I feel so *** hopeless with finding a new job (been at my current job a year now which is an accomplishment I guess but I Hate it). Need to find something else but rejection hurts and depression is making me too tired to apply and go on interviews. Plus i'm not sure what skills I have that aren't customer service and I dont have a meaningful degree. Just got rejected Twice by companies I applied for that were in my degree field.

I'm not sure if it's something else making me tired like Chronic Fatigue. Going to get labs drawn tomorrow to rule physical stuff out. I've just talked to my new social worker about trying to get an assessment for services and maybe get on a CADI waiver (although I don't think they will deam me ill enough). I got dropped by my previous social worker back in April without notice so the ball got dropped on doing the assessment. Its going to take months to even get that rolling. Stupid county services.

I need my meds adjusted or changed and can't get into see psych until next month. Current meds not working and they were just increased while I was inpatient. Found out i'm Autistic in March. I mean it's just confirmed by professionals. Ya kind of know if you're Neurodivergent or not. It's just a slap to the face because it's one of the main causes of my abuse and thus complex trauma. Which I still need to work on in therapy. Got a new therapist so will see how that goes. Will journal more tomorrow. It helped to get some of this stuff off my chest.