Unpopular Experience
I'm the youngest sibling. The only Daughter and Academically better than my older brother. The only two kids of our parents. My mom treats us equal I guess but my Dad seems to favour my brother more. Why? What have I done? I was usually the obedient quiet kid ( because I wanted praise and love just like they'd shower on my brother) . In the process, I lost my childhood and teenage. Later I came to know as an adult, that My Dad is super Misogynistic. ( We're from a 3rd World country). I've heard how Younger siblings are often the spoiled babies, most loved ones and it shatters my heart that I'm not one of them. I was always in the extra curricular activities, being a Ranker in school...but nothing ever changed my dad's mindset. Now I don't study anymore. I dont want to do something in life. I'm completely done for with this life. Not to mention I'm a huge attention seeker because of this. Also, I had no or 1-2 friends growing up because I was bullied for being a nerd at school. ( EVEN BY TEACHERS!)
@Redpond2005
I am sorry you are feeling that way . I do think there are other ways to look at this.
It is more then items you speak of when a parent and child relationship.
It is often NOT said aloud but sometimes parents have a closer relationship with a specific child can be personality etc. This IMO grows as kids get older as well. It can be personality / shared interests many things.
My spouse has a closer relationship to one child as they are very similar and he seems to not be able to have a close relationship with another because they are both conflicting personality. The one he does not click with is by far more accomplished etc but it is not a contest.... Has zero to do with son or daughter or birth order .... I feel you have bought into the youngest should be spoiled etc and that is NOT a universal trait even if it occasionally happens.
@toughTiger6481
Going by your logic, it's even more complicated now. My Dad and I share sooo many characteristics - Music, Painting, Basketball... I mean people say I not only resemble my Dad in Traits but also Appearance! This screws my brain even more. Whereas, My brother shares none of his traits. Literally NONE! He's just into gaming and Cricket which my dad doesn't even like. Jeez I'll go mad now. Bro is more like my mom and no wonder is mommy's boy too!
@Redpond2005
many people who are completely like parents have a rough relationship... as well that is the thing it is NOT one size fits all ... my partner is in personality just like their mom but they can not get along at all... it can not always be explained.
I was sharing small examples because i think it is too easy to blame things without taking in the whole picture.
I understand. Thanks for the examples but I think that's really really wrong for ANY parent to show favouritism at all. I know it's only human to do so, but there's a thing called "control". As parents, we should try to treat our children equally no matter what. Even if they aren't good students, poor at sports or whatever. Look at me for example - I was so ambitious but the refusal of my father to Acknowledge my achievements, or even consider me human has completely shattered my career and life. I looked up to that one person for validation. A parent's validation works wonders for a child. It can make or break them. Now I've got no other option except therapy. He remembers how my brother talked, walked, grew up but doesn't remember a thing about my childhood despite being present all the time. Do you know how hurtful it is? I'll be Frank, such people don't deserve to be parents. I got f***ed up for no reason. Just my gender! Once I asked my dad why he's that way. Why my achievements don't matter? Do you know what he told? "Pfft, cuz you're a girl. Nobody cares." I wish atleast he could have lied that he loves both me and my brother equally. He could have done ATLEAST THAT! .... Mentioning again- I'm Asian.
That sounds really painful, and I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so unfair when love and recognition aren’t given equally. Your worth isn’t defined by his actions—you are valuable just as you are. I hope you find the support and connections that make you feel truly seen and appreciated.
Thanks. I'm really grateful for your words of comfort. My Dad really made me feel worthless just JUST because of my gender. No flaws, no issues, nothing at all. Just Gender. Bruh
I'm so sorry for this experience. I would say the biggest thing which is really hard is that comparison is the thief of joy. Every family dynamic is different even if there is one that tends to happen or seem like a "normal" there will always be outliers. I think it's important to note why you wanted to succeed in school. Was it for yourself? Or recognition from family. When we look for happiness or validation outside of ourselves we will usually be disappointed.
You are a unique individual in this world and regardless if your parents recognize it or not you are valued inherently not just whay you accomplish.
Honestly though, I was studying just because I wanted to be loved and recognised. My brother wasn't a good student. I never knew why they love him so much. Misogyny again. You're right. I shouldn't have sought validation. But again, I was 8 when I started this. There was nobody who could tell me to Study for my own self. Not to please my parents. Now that my 10 years of Good grades, Medals and proper behaviour got me nothing but Gender discrimination, I've decided I'll stop seeking validation anymore from anyone.
Thank you, I mean really, I guess so far you're the only person who has exactly understood what I'm going through rn. You're really empathetic. I felt a bit better going through your words. I'm afraid I'll develop resentment towards my brother. I'm afraid this is how villains are made. But I don't want to be a villain. I know I'm wronged. There's no denial. But I just want to move on. I want that hole in my heart to somehow be filled... I want to find the motivation to study again...to do something for my own. Not for my Dad, not for anyone.
