Struggling

Hi, I'm new here. Going through what feels like a string of just constant stress and hurt since 2017. I'm 31, and live at home with my parents. I'm disabled and can't live on my own, but can't get housing and a caregiver covered.

We recently learned my dad has small cell lung cancer, right before Christmas...and we all know this is his last Christmas. I struggle, because I love him loads, but hes gotten so toxic in the last ten years that its a very complicated mixture of deep pain and wanting more time and just wishing it was all over.

There's a lot more going on but thats about as much as I'll trauma dump in public.