Starting over

For the month of January I was feeling a lot of anxiousness and depression from a friend situation. I'd wake up/go to bed questioning the type of person I am, thinking of the conversations or things that were said everyday. Overall, I felt like trash, cried a lot, my appetite was low, I'd lay in bed feeling so numb to everything that would normally make me feel better.  A few nights before my mom and I were going out of town I decided that I was tired of how this situation was affecting me and being the main target of it on a constant basis. So, I put my phone on airplane mode, left it in my desk drawer and spent the weekend without my phone. which turned out the be the best decision I could've made because everything that I was feeling/thought about went away, I actually stopped caring completely which I thought would never happen. 

Since being home I deleted all the messages before turning off airplane mode, so that it would feel like a new start rather than going back to the past. I didn't want to know if I had gotten any responses or not because thinking about going backwards had a very sad feeling and I don't /didn't want to re live any of it again.

I'm always going to have a soft spot for this person and wish that things could've been different but I think for now I need to let it be in the past and if we happen to re connect and things turn out positive then great, but I'm not going to wait anymore. Instead I'm going to become the person whose even better then who I was before. Someone whom I can be proud of and feel confident in and hopefully be someone whom someone else can be proud of also. 💕