Professional Help!

Hello my community!

I'd like to discuss something with you.

In 2018, depression symptoms started to hit me in form of losing interest in my study which was the most beautiful thing in my life, it started by failing in a course then feeling an intense shame that led to failing in the whole semester the following year, which led to taking the same year once again. And I visited porn sites for the first time which increased my masturbation rate dramatically.

I am still in the 4th year, and my classmates are in 5th year which filled me with anger and the desire to take revenge by getting extremely high marks to fulfill my ego which reflects my low self-esteem and fragility to life events. And I did well, then the 5th year(my original batch graduated), depression hit me again in form of not accepting the courses and learning scheme, so I failed the 5th year, seeked treatment for 7 months with a psychiatrist that only gave me medication that almost led to my death and I knew that he got fired from the hospital for the same reason(incorrect medication with harmful results),I quitted his treatment and took the year again and passed and graudated(5th year is the last year). During my last year I involved into addictive love relationships with girls to feel better.

I felt very well after graudation, and when I got disappointed at the market depression hit me again, that is when I started to seek therapy and medication, that was May 2022.

Since 2018, I read a lot of self-help books, kept a gratitude journal, got help from friends and girls, learnt how to plan my life, worked on stopping masturbation, but nothing really helped, they were all temporary uplifting.

Now I am 5 months with therapy sessions and medication, and I feel that I am stable for the first time since 2017, and I feel self-esteem for the first time since birth. Nothing else but therapy sessions and medication would tell me what my OWN problems really are, my unhealthy thought patterns. Books discuss general solutions that are not necessarily good for you, and friends only give you love but they cannot tell you what your problems are, and they might abuse you!

Nothing else gave me accurate diagnosis. Even if the therapist sometimes tells me ideas I already know, but their way of talking, listening, and convincing is what makes therapy sessions crucial for me, and medication is crucial for stabilizing my mood especially in tough moments.

I found happiness without a girl, without changing my mother, without a job, without validation from anybody, it's from the inside.

In my opinion, if you are struggling mentally, seek professional help as soon as you can and don't think it can be solved by prayer, friendships, sports, love, books!

Let's discuss this below.