"Never good enough to belong anywhere nice", said the Black Dog inside me

Well. Sometimes, I find myself being just add-ons of many communities I belong. From family, fandom, college, and sometimes even a place supposed to be my safe zone.

Let's say I am usually being gatekeeper from some fandoms for being 'woke'/'nut'(I am autistic and just want to speak my ideas sometimes). I just quit a local Warhammer 40K online group because a group of members called me a borderline fan. For more liberal fandoms, troll raids happened on some of them like I couldn't really escape from it.

I feel exhausted and downed in energy. I want to rest, yet, I am afraid if I slumber for too long, no one will remember me for my work. My sowed seeds may perished and I would have nothing much left on my side.