Love will never made sense to me

Hey, I don’t even know where to start, but I need to get this off my chest before I can move on with the rest of my life. First of all, I was actually in love with you. I’m not sure if you were, but I don’t really mind. At least I got to experience what love felt like, and for that, I’m satisfied.

Secondly, you hurt me a lot—more than you should have. I thought this time with you would be different, and in some ways, it was. You did show me a different side to love, but then everything went downhill. I didn’t know how to talk to you or express myself, and you didn’t want me to engage with you like that. You never tried to understand or make an effort to communicate, even though you claimed to love me and said I was special.

I never lied about my feelings; I told you I loved you, and I meant it. I tried to show you my love, though maybe my method wasn’t the best. I was always there, and never ran away. I found my way back to you and was willing to try again, but you stopped making an effort the moment I let you in. I didn’t say anything because I was scared—scared of what you’d think of me and worried that you’d invalidate my feelings. The one time I tried to express myself, you told me it wasn’t your fault and suggested I should go meet someone else. I decided never again.

I dealt with your mood swings and all the bad aspects of our relationship. I accepted it all because I cared deeply. But when it came to my mood swings and my struggles, you weren’t there for me. You just wanted me to be happy all the time, which wasn’t possible. I tried to be happy for you, but it took a toll on me. I felt like I loved you more than you loved me, and that was exhausting.

I would have gone against my principles for you if you’d shown me it was worth it, but you didn’t. So, this is kind of a goodbye. I can’t deal with your nonsense anymore, and I can’t be sad over you any longer. I don’t feel bad about not speaking to you because you’ll move on, and I hope you treat your next partner better than you did me. I’ll always be here as an acquaintance, but I’m not going to be in a relationship or friendship with you. I want stability, not complications, and we were too complicated.

If you feel bad, don’t. It was bound to happen eventually, and I’m just speeding up the process because I need to let go. I don’t hate you; I still love you, but sometimes love isn’t enough. I hope you don’t hate me, though I understand if you do.

I wasted so much time on you, and you did the same for me. So, don’t go around saying all girls are the same. I stayed, didn’t I? When I took some space, it wasn’t to hurt you; it was because I needed a break. I’m not used to spending so much time with someone. I couldn’t tell you what I was feeling, and I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. You can be harsh, and I’m sensitive to your words. I feared you wouldn’t respond to me the way I needed.

To be honest, I love you more than I ever thought I could. I believe that God has a plan for both of us to become stronger and better individually. I’ll always be your number one supporter, no matter what happens. I just feel like, often, you hear me but don’t really listen. You sometimes choose not to believe or trust me, and I didn’t know how to make you see the truth.

I debated whether to send this message, thinking you wouldn’t care, but honestly, I don’t care that you don’t. I wrote this on our anniversary when I realized I didn’t want to be with you anymore. I always knew, but I didn’t think I’d actually tell you. I need to move on.

sigh I really am hopeless in the love department