Let go the need of love. I wish I could. One thing at end of year

I don't know how to love myself. 

I tried reading book. Try applying to it. 

But at the end left with temporary good days than back to same. 

I wish one thing I could leave behind forever is need of love.

I don't want to fight with love one  for other time n attention. 

Don't want to beg n look everywhere. 

But I do .. i keep looking.. i reach state. 

My heart is half closed.