Just about something

Sometimes I read back to conversations I had earlier online, like a year ago. And these specific conversations i'm talking about are with this one girl who was like 3 years older than me. She hated me. She was so harsh, went all the way to find my real name and use it whenever talking about me. And if she wasn't using my name she was using also bad words to describe me. So yea not very nice. I hated talking with her, after all she said all of this about me, and she scared me too. She wouldn't give up with it. She kept doing it and doing it. I hated her at the moment, whenever she messaged me I would have to turn my phone off and do something to calm myself down cause I would always start shaking and feel as if I was gonna throw up. I kept reading back to these conversations though. I don't understand them. I know what the words I'm reading mean, and I know what the idea is, but I don't understand how what I was doing back then was wrong. All I know is that reading back on this a year later a lot of things that she said would happen did happen. Which is weird, I actually like didn't trust her at all and even skipped over most of it before since I just didn't care. It's weird. But she was right about other things too that I began understanding a little now. One thing that I still don't get though is why she thought it was so important for me to "get help". I really don't see how I would need to do that. Yea what I was doing probably wasn't okay, and for now I'm not doing it and maybe I'll understand when I'm older. I don't get why she thought it was so urgent though. She actually said it as basically "get help right now or get off your phone right now, you're harming yourself and others with this". I don't get how. I would surely want to learn at least a little about how to stop those feelings and stuff that I posted about on there, I don't do it for now since I was busy with school, and now I mean I want to do those things again, I'm not gonna for a little bit cause I got other people's opinions on it (who were also like in their late teens/early 20's) and they agree a ton with this girl. So idk. cause like everyone older than me is saying it's wrong and all so I should trust them for a bit. Honestly I feel crazy for all of this and for doing that and thinking that all of it. I'm obviously not gonna say what the thing is cause you know, idk people judge and people should judge it, but wouldn't want people on here to see it and think I'm crazy, ended up mentioning it to some listeners I started feeling comfortable with and like instant block, so probably not gonna say it on here and stuff.