I've got a lot to work through and I don't know really know where or how to start
To start, im a 20 year old autistic male, a few months from being 21, I don't really have any future aspirations or goals/dreams, so Im basically going through college with no idea of what's next, and I feel like Ive enrolled myself into classes im gonna end up doing really bad in. (tho that's not really new as I haven't been doing well in college to begin with, I honestly feel like I only did well in the one special ed class I've had and one other math class that was pretty easy)
Somewhat recently I've been feeling like I might be depressed, but I don't want to put any stress on anyone else I just want to fix it myself.
On top of that I'm not really sure what my gender is. For context I was born a male, yet I've had quite a few doubts about that, thinking that I might be a girl, yet I hate being called a girl/ladies/ma'am, etc, but I also like looking feminine (wearing skirts, having long hair, painting my nails, etc, and I know gender expression and identity are different, I just thought it would provide more context), and I also don't really like being called a man either, but at a job I had a few months ago my coworker called me sir alot which I didn't mind much.
@exuberantCup8578
Hi. I believe you are still a young person, so I was wondering how would you feel like if not putting too much pressure on finding your professional path or choosing your gender identity from a dozen possible options right now.
Thinking that men should not have long hair sounds like some kind of a stereotype. Just think e.g. about the "Braveheart" movie. The character had long hair and was wearing a skirt (a kilt, actually), but he was still very male. There are lots of men wearing long hair, long dresses (like some priests) or painting their nails (like rock/metal singers). And I think being a male with some female either personality, or physical traits is OK.
As for your educational challenges... Is there anyone like a kind of a future job/education counsellor at your school? Being good at math sounds like quite a nice path to follow. There are also jobs like in logistics, that require people with some special skills and imagination about planning or scheduling. I am speaking about my personal experience: For example, for most people things like bus timetables are dull and boring, but when I look at this I smile, because I see a very complex system working behind that. I believe the world has too many youtubers or influencers (and philosophy professors). But still there is a job for creative, out-of-the-box thinking people.
Id probably feel better if there wasn't a lot of pressure about choosing my path or identity, tho I don't put a lot of pressure on finding my path, my parents do, and I guess my brain does sometimes, and I try not to put too much pressure on finding my gender identity.
I didn't say men shouldn't have long hair, wear skirts or paint their nails, honestly I love doing all of those things, and seeing other guys do it, (and the reason I grew my hair out was cuz I'm really into metal) but I suppose the problem is when I get misgendered a lot because of it, and the gender doubting/questioning only started when I was thinking about buying my first skirt.
There was a career development class I took last year but I don't think it helped much unfortunately.
