I made the call (tw sexual assault)

For a while now I’ve felt stuck in a loop. I know what anxiety and depression is. I’m learning more about ptsd so some things come up that I don’t realize are pushing me into self preservation and over analyzing. My finances are a mess, my house is unorganized, my kids feel like I don’t pay attention to them even tho everything I do is for them. I also have fibromyalgia which is triggered by stress and my emotions. Fibromyalgia causes me extreme physical pain and brain fog that infuriates me. It’s so annoying to know what you want to say and know you have words but all you see is random things or words that aren’t what you want to say. People laugh and make fun of the way I say things which frustrates me more making it worse to where I just clam up. I’m smart and can articulate but in that moment my brain fails me. My body is failing from the exhaustion and now my mental health is messed up. I’m stuck on negative thinking patterns and self preservation. I’m living in a constant state of fear.

Everyone suggests getting some help, meditation can help. Sounds like a chemical imbalance and sometimes we all need some help. But no one understands … KD would suggest I take my meds (which make me sleep) then he was molesting my daughter and was grooming another. I’ve hated the pills ever since his activities and intent came to light. I can’t put my kids or myself in the situation again.

But my life is awful right now. I need help. I’m in therapy and she brought up medication again. I don’t trust my pcp, I feel like she pushes medication on me that gives me bad side effects then blames it on my fibromyalgia. I reached out to another facility, left a message yesterday. Maybe I’ll get a call. I just don’t want to be back to the mom that sleeps all the time and takes her “don’t give a sh*t pills”. How do I not get stuck in a thought loop about all the things he did when I’ve taken them before?