How hard do you push yourself?

I only stopped to realize this when someone told me: I push myself too hard. Why? Because I grew up hearing I should always be the best one, in everything I did.

Good was never enough. Perfect was the goal.

That lead me to a vicious cycle of trying too hard but giving up because it was, like I pushed myself, too hard. I’m not proud of that.

I’ve accomplished many things in life and, yet, I’m not successful. Not yet.

I’m 23 years old. I carry the baggage of a 16-year-old girl who got into Law school too early to be able to finish it. I didn’t have the maturity for that. So, when I was 19, I bailed. And I spent 3 years in my bed, until now.

I’m in college again. Another course. I am loving it. So far I’ve gotten A’s. But I’m trying not to push myself beyond my limits. Because I AM limited, and I am breakable.

I am dealing with unrequited love while having to study for Latin exam. Both are pretty harsh on anyone else.

I’m doing the best I can and I’m studying really hard. But I’m trying – and learning – to respect myself. Be gentle to myself. Be kind. Give myself a treat, a little trip… visit my friends.

I am tired after 3 years lying down looking at the ceiling. But I am glad I am not giving up.

I stood my ground and I’m not giving up because only I know how good it’s been for me. Hard. But good. So, so, so hard. But it has nurtured my soul in ways I can’t describe.