Help with managing emotions :(
hi,
i am new here. my therapist told me about this app so i figured i would give it a try. any words of encouragement or advice for the situation i am dealing with below would be greatly appreciated. i am diagnosed with anxiety so i am trying my best.
situation:
there is this childhood friend of mine that I have known for a very long time. We have kept in communication at certain points in my life. At this particular point of my life, we have been communicating a lot and relatively close. I can say that he knows me pretty well. Basically, I saw him a few weeks ago [he lives in a different state than I do, and I was visiting for one of my cousins graduations] and I thought our interaction together was nice and I was happy to see him. When I came back home, I felt in my mind that we would be closer and talk more since I had just seen him and I hadn’t seen him since then in a long time. But I feel like the exact opposite happened. I feel like maybe I was wanting more attention and I was texting more and calling him more, but to me, I felt like he was being distant, not as communicative and it started to bother me because I was wondering if something was wrong or why he was acting this way. and I tried not to press the issue, but ultimately I did and I sent him a long paragraph pretty much telling him how I felt like he was acting different and I thought we would be closer and I basically ended up spiraling. he did not say much. I think he might’ve sent one message and said “you crave attention that I cannot give you right now” I did not handle the situation well because I ended up blocking him and removing him from social media. But then I felt bad about that because I did not want to lose him that way, so I unblocked him and all the while I am explaining all of my emotions and im kind of all over the place apologizing one minute and then repeatedly texting and calling just to try and get a response because I wasn’t getting any. and after all of that he said, “I think we’re better off as friends, there is nothing really to talk about and that he pretty much doesn’t want to argue about it”. So, I left it alone after that. I had a therapy session this last Sunday and I talked to my therapist about it and it was more of a problem, that I have a fixation, obsessive, impulsive problem that equates to a childlike temper tantrum when they don’t get their way. And my therapist told me about this app that I figured I should try. After my therapy session on Sunday, I sent him a genuine apology and I told myself that it doesn’t matter if he respond back or not I’m doing this for me. He did not respond. That was Sunday. today (it is Tuesday, where I live) he texted me randomly today while I was at work and said hey what’s up? I responded back when I saw the message and said hi, stressing over work how about you. And he has not responded yet. It’s almost 7 PM where I stay. for some reason, I’m feeling like it was some sort of test or something to see if I would blow him with texts and calls. I have not said anything since my last message and I plan on leaving it, but it is bothering me because I just don’t understand. i always seem to be more communicative than most men in my life and I just don’t understand what the problem is so I am just needing some words of encouragement to help me not spiral aka throw a tantrum and help me see the situation from a different perspective.
@Tmitch243 Hey I know it can be hard when you get into a situation with a friend, especially when it’s a close childhood friend I would know from experience. But it’s great that you told him how you feel instead of bottling it in. That’s how you feel and no one can change that, I just want you to know that your doing great and to just keep on going and doing what your doing.
@Tmitch243 It’s great that you’re in therapy and it sounds like your therapist is giving you some good information about how you are acting on your emotions. It’s good you’re here on 7 Cups as well, welcome!
@Tmitch243
You are not alone ...IMO many people are in your shoes.
read through many posts here and texts or messaging is causing this anxiety or worry about what went wrong ...was it what i sent etc.... then the stress over they have not answered me ....it has been x amount of time.... and reading too much or too little in what did they mean by XYZ etc
This is common with or without your previous text bombing or whatever....
Texts are great.. they are fast... but we do not know what the other person is doing..... example i turn off my sound and miss text tones while at work .... so when i check at lunch or break i see someone has texted a few times ..... if i have an answer i will send but if not i figure i will do it later.
Are they stressing of why hasn't Tiger answered ?.... are they mad or not wanting to talk anymore? Frankly i do not know ... it is not that I would not care ...but I cannot control their reaction only they can.
Yes it seems more stressful when it is a romantic interest.. but we all have lives and maybe phone was not charged or maybe even a text came through later or not at all... I have had text show up from some glitch hours later. A later response or maybe they did not respond at all by even days later they send some random text does not measure their feelings about you..........maybe someone is working on that for an AI future .. I hope not ............but stressing about response or response time is self inflicted worry.
@toughTiger6481 hi, thanks for your feedback and i considered that too. i just feel like given the circumstances from what had just happened with us prior , had to do with it as well because he hadn’t responded before to anything i had to say or maybe didnt feel it was necessary but then to randomly text only not to follow back up on it is alittle strange to me. but i get that i cannot control someone else’s actions and through discussing my situation yesterday and receiving awesome advice off this app, i have decided to handle things how i feel comfortable not being fixated on a response from this person. i dont try to self inflict anything intentionally or willingly but having anxiety causes me to struggle with that, hence me reaching out to others and seeking help.
