Family...

Hey all...

This isn't something that usually bothers me, but as I'm home for the summer, I'm thinking about it today. So my 17yo sister has a lot of problems: severe autism, ADHD, insomnia, and she's a trans girl. And she's depressed from all this. She rarely leaves her computer setup in the basement. She's sensitive to a million different sensory experiences. She has some friends, but they're looking into colleges and will be leaving soon.

So I didn't really realize she was deteriorating because I was away at college, but today my mom and I had a long talk about this. My parents are having such a difficult time keeping up with my sister's many needs, and she's not making it easier. She refuses to follow doctors' directions, for example regarding her insomnia. She's constantly on only a few hours of sleep, which just makes her harder to deal with. She has good therapists + coaches, but doesn't take their directions. My parents have no idea how to help her.

I just feel so awful for my sweet parents. They're doing everything right, but they're still struggling. What was really hard to hear was that my parents are now both seeing therapists, and it's specifically related to the struggles with my sister. I'm glad they're doing what's right for them, but I'm really upset it had to come to such a point.

And I don't know what to do because I'm the older daughter, the independent one. I've always been independent– throughout my whole childhood, I was doing my homework alone in my room so my parents didn't have to worry about me and could focus on my sister. Now, I'm at college, and I try not to let them hear a word of struggle. I get all my work done and stay on top of managing everything.

The thing is, I was diagnosed with chronic depression last year, which has been extremely hard. So I'm doing all of this on top of my own fragile mental health. My parents, of course, did exactly the right thing when I told them last year– they support me as I do therapy and meds and ask if I'm all right. But I'm so confused about what to do because I feel like all their hopes are resting on me and my promising future. The thing is, I don't even know if I want that future. I was severely s******l for a while– now it's better since I got on a new med, but I still don't feel very excited/motivated for a future. I'm kind of just drifting by.

So I don't know how to contend with this. I didn't think about how bad my parents' situation was until today. I'm leaving next week for a 2-month long internship across the world. I'm excited, and I know my parents are excited for me, but I can tell how sad they are at the idea of being split up again. At least I'll be back here for the month of August.

Any words you have to offer would be appreciated <3