Divorce
Is it unreasonable to think I can save my marriage when my husband has trust issues that he will not seek help for?
@versatileClementine1730 Overwhelming, scary, and possibly difficult, yes. Unreasonable, no. For myself, I try to think of the word unreasonable as meaning "there is no reason for this (statement)/are there any reasons for this (question)" and go from there. So I would frame your question as "There are no reasons for me to try to work on my marriage when my husband will not work through his own trust issues." or "Are there any reasons for me to try to save my marriage when my husband refuses to get help for issues with trust?" Looking at it this way often helps me to put things into a different perspective. I am going through a similar issue and just worked through a similar statement/question, and I was able to find many reasons to keep working on my marriage. Since marriage is centered around trust it can make a situation like this sound overwhelming and scary, and will usually feel difficult, but not impossible.
@versatileClementine1730
Marriage is a team sport.... one player cannot carry it all and try to save anything when the other simply will not put in the work.
So many have tried this and settle for little or no effort until it wears then down to nothing.... his problems are his.... refusal to deal with them for your marriage tells you exactly how much he values you.
how much do you value yourself is the question i would ask?
This is very true as well, but as it is a team sport that you both signed up for, remember that sometimes we have to carry our teammate across the plate when they’re injured. “For better or worse” is the hardest of all the vows made for sure. If he’s not willing to put the work in there must be a reason, right? Is it because he does not value your marriage? Is it because he’s just not willing to work as part of the team? In my experience and research, I’ve learned that more often than not, it is a feeling or emotion he’s not yet ready to deal with. I’ve personally found that it’s often fear of dealing with past traumas that prevents a person, and the team, from moving forward with healing.
This all means that we can either look at it from the perspective of his fear (or whatever feeling he’s struggling with) is his problem alone to deal with and his refusal shows the value he puts on the marriage or the perspective that he’s injured and needs the team to rally around him until he can bear weight on that injury (or he’s ready to do the rehab)
so yes the question is absolutely how much do you value yourself, but other questions include: how much do you value the marriage and what is your limit for the subjective “for better or for worse”? How long are you willing to carry your teammate until he’s ready to start the rehab?