Confidence vs arrogance

When you're not used to being confident, confidence feels like arrogance.

It took me a long time to figure that out, I was always terrified of being someone that came across as arrogant and conceited. When I was in school, every single one of my report cards said "she needs to be more confident", I just couldn't figure out how. I feared that any belief in myself or in anything that was happening around me would make people think I was dumb. That I was unaware of the potential downfalls, that I hadn't thought things through. I've always had an intense dislike for arrogant people, the people that believe they are perfect, that are unwilling to learn from their mistakes, that are incapable of accepting that they can be wrong, that genuinely believe they are above others.

Being imperfect is natural, being wrong is part of the human condition. We all make mistakes, we all do stupid things, but learning from those mistakes is what really counts.

I was terrified of being arrogant, until my therapist at the time told me this:

Being confident is not the belief that everything will be fantastic no matter what, that is arrogance. Being confident is knowing that regardless of what happens, you are able and capable of dealing with it.

Knowing that relieved a lot of my anxiety around the situation. I finally understood the difference.

Arrogance is walking into an exam you never prepped for and thinking "I'm going to ace this because I am the best". Confidence is walking into that same exam and thinking "I'll give it my best shot, and if I fail I can deal with that too"

Arrogance is saying "I am the most beautiful person here". Confidence is "I look really good, I feel good about myself".

Arrogance is making a mistake and saying "I did nothing wrong". Confidence is making a mistake and saying "I messed that up, but I can deal with the aftermath and learn from it".

Arrogance is "nothing bad will ever happen to me". Confidence is "bad things might happen, but I can deal with it".

That's the difference, it took me a while to learn it, but just knowing that has done wonders for my confidence. And I've found that since I've gained that confidence, I am more able to deal with challenges that come my way, more willing to accept my faults and grow from them, and generally significantly happier and less anxious.

Sorry for the rant, I just wanted to share for anyone who may have had similar feelings of fear towards being confident vs being arrogant.