Brother/ Sister-In-Law Problems
My brother has no personality of his own. He ia social chameleon and his personality depends on whomever he is around. He has a habit of letting his partners control him. His first wife, whom he has 2 kids by, controlled him for 17 years until he had break down and couldn't take it anymore. His current wife, that is also divorced with 2 kids from a previous marriage, is controlling like the first one. It's getting out of hand. My niece and nephew were staying at their house for a few years and their stepmom was really mean to them. I witnessed the bad treatment. My brother let her treat them that way and treats his wife's kids better than his own. Well... They moved back in with their mom and they are much happier. But his wife seems to be getting worse. They have been married for 8 years now. The one thing about her that I do like is that she helps my parents out, whom are sick. I have noticed throughout the years that she is an insecure and jealous woman that has to have things her way. I wanted to introduce my wife to my brother and she had a problem with it because she doesn't like him talking to "other women." Lately, she convinced him to delete his *** account, which is where he and I would have fun joking around and chatting. I texted her 2 days ago to ask how they were to be polite and now she is giving me the silent treatment. I love my brother, but I really can't stand that woman and I hate that he lets her act like that. I'm trying not to start any drama, especially because my parents are sick. My mom is undergoing kemotherapy atm.
@neonHuman185
It sounds like you’re in such a complex and emotionally draining situation. Watching your brother’s repeated patterns of being controlled and losing his sense of self to his partners must feel infuriating, especially when it impacts his relationship with his own children. It's clear you care deeply about him and your family, and seeing the harm this dynamic causes must be incredibly tough.
Your brother’s behavior, like becoming a “social chameleon” and letting his partners take the reins, might be rooted in a need for acceptance or a fear of conflict. People who struggle with these tendencies often have a hard time setting boundaries, which can leave them vulnerable to controlling relationships. It’s no wonder it’s painful for you to see this play out, particularly since his current wife’s behavior is affecting your bond with him, too.
The fact that his wife has even influenced your ability to connect—convincing him to delete his account, where you both had a fun, casual connection—is really concerning. When someone isolates their partner from family, it’s often a red flag. It’s also worrying that she’s been able to turn something as simple as a check-in text into a reason to give you the silent treatment.
Still, it’s understandable that you want to keep the peace, especially with your mom going through chemotherapy and both parents needing support. That pressure to avoid drama can make it feel like you have to hold in your frustration, and it’s okay to acknowledge how exhausting that must be.
One way to approach this might be focusing on what you can control: maintaining a consistent line of communication with your brother, even if it’s just small check-ins to let him know you’re there for him. It can be tricky, but gentle reminders that you love and support him, without directly criticizing his wife, could keep the relationship steady. Your brother likely feels trapped in these dynamics, and knowing he has a lifeline could make a difference if he ever wants to talk about it.
For your own well-being, it’s essential to set boundaries, too. This situation is emotionally draining, and you can only do so much while also taking care of your parents and your own needs. You’re carrying a lot right now, and it’s okay to prioritize your peace and your family’s health.
Remember, you’re doing your best in an impossible situation, and it’s normal to feel anger and sadness about what’s happening. Lean on your support system if you have one, and continue showing love to your brother while taking care of yourself.