Trauma support
I have broken from my partner of 8 yrs after coming to know about his compulsive sexual behaviour and habitual cheating. He says only one was an affair and the rest all flings due to substance abuse. He has been majorly absent emotionally and physically unavailable and possibly narcissistic. But I feel sorry for him now that I know about his childhood trauma and other relationship traumas. Our relationship has been toxic and rushed we rushed into it before we recovered from traumatic failed first marriages . I had a traumatic childhood. My father being a narcissist and cheater who molested me since I was 13 till I fled into a marriage which gave signals of doom even before it materialised. My mother was also traumatised and swayed from loathing to praising me. Nothing in between. have been abusive in my relationship with this partner I broke but and I do have some three or four narcissistic traits while he has plenty. I am being drawn to mend this relationship and I don't know what to do. I know I need to heal. But I have self sabotaging behaviour. I want to live but am too confused with myself and I am not doing anything to help myself. I feel lost that I was cheated for so long. I don't know what to do. Please help.
@bubblePeach9650
bubble, i almost have an identical story to yours. im in the same mindset as you - i want to move forward but it hurts too much. ur lucky ur the one who did the breaking up - i was broken up with after being cheated on for 4 years in unimaginable ways. it hurts more that i was broken up with bc when i had my power, i could have left easily - but i was belittled and embarrassed and discarded worse than animals. everyone keeps telling me we got lucky. doesnt feel like it right now. but maybe one day we'll see it.
Thank you. He keeps telling me he will be okay with therapy. He behaves well sometimes. But at times becomes attacking again and then tells me I am his victim and he is also his victim. I pity him. But then I don't know if he is playing a game with me. I want to move forward without him. Because he didn't feel bed until I came to know about all the cheating. So I know I should just dump him. But it is being really difficult. I don't know how long I will continue to be the slave of my own long past.