Seeking long term help with very personal issues

Me and my boyfriend have been trying to have intercourse for a long time. I have some condition that doesn't allow for penetration. I now associate pain with intercourse and I need help changing that. This is very embarrassing and super personal. I would like some help from someone who is very patient and will take this seriously. I don't know what else I need to say about this but I hope someone can help me. This is very embarrassing and I'm quite a sensitive person. Thank you..