Massive friendship break up
I don't know what I've done to have this treatment from a person who was like a sister to me for the past 5/6 years.
Myself and family were at her house for her son's birthday party a few weeks back, her (ex) husband upset me and I walked out of their house and was outside for an hour literally crying my eyes out the only person who came out to see how I was was my partner. I was so down that I couldn't stop crying and got worse and worse over the course of an hour that I asked my partner if we could leave as I really didn't want to go back inside. He went back in and asked our son's to grab their stuff as we were leaving, our friend asked him why we were leaving of which he said she's upset and we need to leave and told her that he didn't want to get into the reasons as to why I was so upset as they had a house full of guests. Of which she got in his face and started shouting at him so he did the same and said to her and all of the other people that none of them (many so called friends) came out to see if I was OK, her (ex) didn't bother to come out and apologise either. I had a miscarriage in March which was also brought up during the argument and was used against me as I was pushing her away when she tried to help me (I had the miscarriage at her house while she was at a friend's kids party - my partner and her husband at the time helped me through it while it was happening).
She also threw accusations at my partner saying that we were going behind her back and talking shit to her ex husband about what she'd said to us of which my partner responded with what shit and she couldn't acknowledge anything that we were meant to have done. She basically told my partner in front of my children to get out of her house and her life. Fast forward 4 weeks and I've been accused of rolling my eyes and ignoring her daughter on the playground at school pick-up (this came from somebody else who she'd slagged me off to who sent me a horrid text telling me that I should be ashamed of myself) I sent this text to my ex friend to be told what I had done or not done as didn't even know I'd done it. If it had bothered her that much talk to me directly about it don't go behind my back and slag me off for something I didn't even know I'd done, this was 2 weeks ago.
Present day still don't talk and no explanation still as to what has happened for her to turn her back on us, also 1 by 1 her friends (were mine also) have turned their backs on us and taken her side over whatever she has told them. It's hard as 4 years ago I had a breakdown and had to have counselling and antidepressants and these friends came through the other side with me and then this happens - I guess you know who your friends aren't when you need them the most!
@Kullen
Hello,
I can see why you are upset.
For one, it must have hurt for no one other than your husband to go out and check on you.
It was also terrible of them to bring up such a terrible moment in your life to use against you in the argument.
I am glad you have your husband by your side.
Sending lots of hugs your way.💛💫
Hello, @Kullen 💙
Before anything else, I'm so sorry about this massive friendship ending you have right now. I can totally relate to what you're going through as I have had my share of intense endings with people I thought would be with me in the long haul. One of the most poignant to this day is someone who I considered my older sister; she and I have been through so much in the 12 years that we've known each other, from heartbreaks to family issues, career to even life ponderings. And then one day, she just threw it away. In the process, common friends we've had in those 12 years, about 95% of them also cut ties with me without even asking for my side of the story.
At that time, I was wallowing in so much self-pity. Even when the new batch of friends was trying to help me get through the ordeal, I didn't care about them. I was so focused on the 12 years invested and that was thrown away just like that by people who didn't even have anything to do with our issue between said (former) friend. And then, my (then) boyfriend sat me down one night and talked to me. I wish to share what he told me in the hopes that it could somehow help you, too.
He told me four things:
Other people's opinion of you doesn't have to become a reality. If they perceive me as the "villain" that my former friend was portraying, I have to accept that and move on from there. If they really are my friends, they would get my side.
He also told me to get to terms with the fact that people change and that when they do, it's possible that you're not a part of that change. That you're a part of the past. That it doesn't make sense for them anymore to make you a part of their life. And that's okay. It's not a bad thing. Sad yes, hurtful even. But not bad. That's just the way of life.
Next, he told me that on a cosmic level, maybe this is the universe's way of removing people from your life that don't contribute to your well-being anymore. That big a number of friends gone in a snap of a finger despite everything you've been through... it was a good run, but I guess it's the end of the road. This is where they get off from your ride of life.
Lastly, everything is a choice. If people choose to end things with you, then that's on them. If people choose to continue putting up higher walls instead of bridges despite your best efforts to make ammends, that's on them.
I'm so sorry that this happened (and continues to happen?) to you :'( it's never a good place to be :( I'm sending you strength of spirit energies <3
Thank you for your words they mean alot. Over the last 3 days another bunch of crap has been brought up and from a conversion I had with her back in April (a heart 2 heart) she took some of my words in the wrong way but instead of talking about it she bottled it all up and the friendship hasn't really been the same since. I only found this out a few days ago that she'd taken these words as me hating her.
We'd had a heart to heart about her marriage and a male friend that she was getting close to, and I basically said to her that if I'd found out that she was having an affair with this man and had lied to my face about it for months that I wouldn't be able to trust our friendship anymore. I told her it wouldn't of been the fact that she was cheating that would hurt as I would of just told her that she needs to talk to her husband and tell him that it's over, it would of been the fact that she'd lied to me about it especially with how close her and this male friend were getting and the kinda of emotional support he was providing. I also said to her that if she wasn't having a physical affair that on a level she was having an emotional one with this man as she was pulling away from her own husband and talking to this man 24/7.
Basically she took the whole conversion the wrong way and started shutting down our friendship ever since in her actions.
I'm fed-up of people not being adult enough to actually have a face to face conversion about whatever it is that is bothering them.
We've both done wrong but now there is no going back, as I can't forgive the actions that's she has been doing over the last month!
