How to let go of the way you were treated in the past to provide the best care.
If you have found yourself caring for a parent that didn't necessarily take care of you, I feel for you.
Things I've learned in my journey with my mom.
1. Just because she didn't take the best care of me as a child doesn't mean that I have to follow in her footsteps.
2. Living a life with the least possibility of regret when it comes to your elderly parent is the best policy.
3. Be the person you needed them to be. For them, but mainly for you.
4. Take some time to understand where they came from, how they were raised, the things they have been through long before you came along.
5. Realize that in their mind, you will always be the child and them the parent. (Even though the roles tend to be reversed as they age, it's always better to play along when possible)
6. Try to always focus on the today and tomorrow. Yesterday is over and there is nothing you can do to change it.
7. Caring for anyone is draining and time consuming. If you can't take hours, take moments for yourself to decompress and for some self-care.
If you can relate to any of this, please share your tips for getting through this thing called life. ;-)
Godspeed my friends.
@Justmeasme
Wow, this was very comforting and insightful to read. I love how you can acknowledge that your mom may not have taken the best care of you. But, you can move forward and recognize that does not mean you have to do the same. Instead, you are doing your best to be there for them. Regardless of the past. I also love how you pointed out that it's good to take some time to understand where they are coming from. As kids, we don't really take as much time as we should to see things from their perspective. Lovely, lovely, lovely post. Thanks for sharing! 💜
@Justmeasme
Very good advice and things to think about
Hi, @Justmeasme 👋
Thank you for writing this things. I can relate, mostly for number 1. In my experience:
Since I was a child, If I did something wrong, I got hurtful words from my parents. I'm really sad and think like, "Do I really that bad? There are many words to express their anger, dissapointment, or anything. But why did they swear / say hurtful words to me?"
There are some times, I really hate if I hear swear words around me. I mean, I don't hate the people, but the words they said, make me remember what happened to me.
And years later, I make my own promise, for never doing the same like them (my parents and anyone who swearing). I'll do my best for control my emotion and how do I react to people (mostly in 'bad' situation). I believe, there are good ways to express emotions.
So, that's it. 😁
@Justmeasme Thanks for writing this. I should have known I wasn't alone, but I always feel guilty for resenting my mother-in-law for how much she needs us when she was such a neglectful parent to my husband. We take great care of her, she's in a safe and supportive environment, we provide social, emotional, and material support for her... it's just hard to square her experiences now and my husband's when he was a kid. I like what you said about doing your best for them because it's doing your best for you. So that you can live without regret. Very helpful. Sending warmth and kindness...