Caregiver of children and blinde husband

@Meg1987

It sounds like you have a lot of stress on you as mom and caregiver. I imagine it's frustrating that your husband refuses to go to therapy, especially when his doctor has recommended it as a way to help him move forward. It sounds like you've done everything in your power to help him cope with his blindness and reached out to every resource available to him. There's an old cliché that says you can lead a horse to water but you can't make the horse drink the water. Choosing to start therapy sessions to help him deal with such a traumatic event is going to be a step he needs to take for himself. It sounds like you are also feel confused and hurt now that he's lashing out at you, even blaming you for the accident. It's not fair for him to put the blame on you when you've done everything in your power to help him cope and heal. Have you tried to talk to him about your feelings? What was his response? Do you have boundaries in place for times when he goes too far with his words and actions? It is okay for you to say no to a conversation when he starts to blame you or say hurtful things about how you have taken advantage of him to get your kids back.

As a mother myself, I know the teen years can be a difficult transition for both parents and children. Do you think his ADD/ADHD and other behaviors like hiding food, for example, has gotten worse or since he has become a young adult? I applaud you for continuing therapy for him though I understand how hard it can be to watch your child struggle and the guilt that comes along with your child's struggles. It sounds like you are doing everything in your power to help him through and be a great source of support for him. I know it's easy to fall into the trap of self blame and being overcritical of yourself when you look back on the 'could haves' and 'should haves'. When self doubt overwhelms you, try to remember that you did the best you could with the information you had in the past and you are doing your best with the information you have now. I think finding a mentor cold be a good opportunity for your son. Do you think your local department of children's services could provide you with information about programs in your area? If you are in the US, there are programs like Big Brothers/Big Sister programs. Also, you can call 211 for community support in your area. I believe there are other non-emergency resource lines in many areas around the world, as well.

With my husband according to caregivers homes where I'm imployed for my husband's care. They say it's a grieving process and a stage hell go through from time to time. Now when it came to him helping me getting my kids back I was getting a divorce from my ex who was an addict and narcissist he preyed upon my vonerabilities of what little feeling I had for him and using my kids against me. So going along with what he wanted felt like my only choices I had DCS didn't help me they just put me down. I have really bad anxiety and under stress I didn't react with a clear mind and I know what I did was stupid and wrong but I have to find away to move forward from this to understand why my own actions led up to the choices I had made. We have good days and bad days but I don't he seems to get better for a few weeks then out of nowhere repeats something I said or did and asks why? I never have a good answer because it seems their really isn't a good answer or excuse for the stupid choices I made.

As for my son I have 211 everything I can made all the calls I can and just waiting for all the call backs from big brother big sister, adult and child, day mart out patient so on so forth. In all the while trying to find myself again and understand my stupid of the past

@meg1987

I just wanted to let you know that I applaud you for everything and everyone you take care of. I can't imagine having all of this on my plate and it sounds like you are doing the best that absolutely can, so please take time to remember that when you get discouraged or feel guilty.

I also wanted to comment in regards to your husband going blind. I am currently a caregiver for someone who is gradually going blind. I don't know if your husband went blind in one fell swoop or if it is a gradual thing, but I have learned that sometimes when it is a gradual process of losing vision, it can cause alot of anger and frustration in the person losing their vision.... it is as if their vision is slowly betraying them more and more. For years they depended on their eyes without even a conscious thought about it, and now everyday there is a new struggle to see and it is just like constant reminders that they can't rely on their eyes anymore....

If the blindness occurred overnight (which it sort of sounds like), please know that the trauma of the sudden vision loss can also trigger a lot of anger; your husband may be grieving his loss of vision and the life he used to have as a sighted person... However I must also let you know that his blaming you and making you feel guilty is not ok. When he starts to say hurtful things, I hope you remember:

1.) His anger and blaming is most likely a symptom of grief and trauma, and you are not truly responsible for those negative feelings he is having.... It's not your fault

2.) That it's not right for him to place that responsibility on you; those emotional struggles he is having are his responsibility to work out for himself, not to be dumped on you

Stay strong and keep going. You are an amazing mother and wife. Your family is so lucky to have you

Hi…

I know this thread isn’t about me, but you @Meg1987 are the wife/caregiver of a blind man you met while he was still healthy.

I am going blind and I refuse to date anyone because I don’t want anyone falling in love with the independent version of myself knowing well that I will go into depression once I go blind. My question to you is… ¿do you resent your husband? ¿If you could turn back time would you walk away? I’m sorry I ask these hard questions, but people keep telling me that the right man will love me regardless, but I would hate to be the reason a good man goes through hell. Again, sorry.

To be honest I would not turn back or run I have loved him since I was 16. It can be tough. He lost his sight to a misfire of a hand gun. He's had my back and I'll have his forever. I won't say he don't annoy me at timesknocking things down looking for stuff. But he's actually not as depressed as I would think he would have been. Having blindness isn't a reason not to be loved. It's takes a strong person to understand what the other is going through.