Venting

My baby is not even 4 months old yet and I’m already wanting to leave my bf/baby's father.

we have been together for almost 7 years and yes he is still my boyfriend. I would say we got together pretty young but I am now 26 and he will be 27 in February.

Saying these last 4 months have been hard for me has been an understatement. I understand it is also hard for a man to transition into fatherhood however we have been having issues long before my pregnancy.

I’ve always felt alone in the relationship as if something else was always more important. We don’t communicate, we don’t connect and I feel like we are more as roommates than bf/gf.

I’ve felt like this for a while now and I don’t know I guess my hope was once I found out I was pregnant (no, we were not trying) that eventually everything would fall into place.

but now I’m dealing with postpartum depression. I’ve dealt with depression all my life so I knew the signs immediately. I knew I was going to need support from those around me, and when I tried to explain this to the father of my child it gets me no where.

I can’t ask him for support emotionally because he don’t know how to be supportive or connect with me emotionally. I can cry right in his face and his facial expression will not change.

my birthday was on the 26th, we had planned to have my bff watch the baby and we go out for dinner to celebrate. Can I just say my birthday was a complete disaster? Granted, I’m not a big birthday fan being adopted and all. Those around me know this, I cry every year no matter how happy I am. The cloud of darkness follows me every year to remind me that no one wanted me on this day.

Anyways, my birthday came around and he barely said anything to me. He walked around all day with an attitude. He barely wished me a happy birthday and didn’t send me a text or call anything all day.

by the time it was time to get ready for dinner and he arrives home and is still acting the same way. I didn’t even get a single hi when he came home, he took the baby out of my hands and walked away and told me to leave him alone

when he asked me when I was going to get ready for dinner, I told him I didn’t want to go.

pretty much, I was over it at that point. I felt devastated. How can you treat someone who is already going through so much like that on the one day it’s about them?

he hasnt apologized he’s hasn’t tried to redo the day.

He pretty much told me I triggered him the night before because I asked him to take over watching the baby when he got home.

yes I was irritated when I asked him ( 9 hours working straight while still being a mom) (work from home mom) so I might have come off rude which was not my intention. But instead of calling me out that night he dragged it out

I just needed a second to collect my thoughts but because I asked him to hurry up and take over he was trigged and decided to make matters worse but completely ruining my birthday.

rant over, thanks for listening