Single woman with Elderly parents living overseas - I am not sure what to do

As the title says, my elderly parents live overseas. They went back permanently at the end of 2015. Prior to this, I was experimenting, and thought I could always go back at some point. Shortly after, I was dating a man with connections to Europe and we were talking about possibly moving there, but the relationship ended. That was in 2016. After that I remained single because I am self-employed and I don't get to meet that many people; I am also introverted and shy or awkward. I used to not always be this way, but as the years have gone by, it has become harder for me to put myself out there. It's ironic because I started doing this more in 2019, and then in 2020, right before the pandemic, I started thinking about going to Europe for about a month to see if this is someone I could be ok with in the long term. I don't have a financial or work impediment, so that would have been ideal. But the pandemic hit. Now both my parents are old, and it's getting worse and worse, and now they can't do anything. I couldn't go see them as I was not vaccinated due to reactions, and I suggested going when the vaccines were not yet required but my mother did not want me to go as she was concerned about the virus. Now it seems the restrictions are lifting, so this would be my chance. The only problem I have with this is, I have been abroad for so long that I have nothing there for me aside from them. This might sound cruel, but our relationship wasn't always the best also because I left home at 19 and I am now 43. Basically, I am reaching a point in my life where I feel I need to look after myself as well (future retirement, life goals, partner). Now I am thinking of going there, if I stay with them, it will only be a week or two at most. They are almost disabled. I was recently in a relationship with someone which I wasn't really planning and honestly it doesn't seem to be working out as we share different values and other.

In the past I have tried figuring out on my own what to do unsuccessfully; I have tried asking hotlines; I have had a bunch of personal issues over the years where I felt I couldn't go to that country nor live with my parents; I felt like I just couldn't do it, and there was also that aspect of wanting to figure things out on my own and being independent of my parents. I had enormous guilt, despite the fact that my parents themselves always traveled for many years, back and forth, changed residences and put me and my sibling through a huge amount of changes while growing up. It wasn't all bad, we learned a lot and had the opportunity to live in two different places, and travel with them at times. In fact, I grew up bilingual. I felt guilt because as they got old in recent years, I wasn't there. I wasn't thinking too far ahead, as I said I was just experiencing, trying to see if I was ok with living alone for a couple years before maybe going back. I thought I would have the time to figure it out before the pandemic hit.

Does anyone have any suggestion on what I can do now? I don't know what the solution is. So currently my situation is that I am single, I rent, and do not own an apartment, I have no dependents, I have no ties to anyone so far but I have been living in the same area for a good amount of years, so I do know some people and have got used to it, and I don't dislike living here.

I have not allowed myself to get close to anyone again until this recent relationship and I actually would like to improve in that regard. I have sometimes thought of returning there, I speak the language and have citizenship. It should not be hard, except, I know from experience as I already tried that in the past for a few months and I know that being in a different place does not change anything or solve problems.

But this is part of my identity so I was thinking of moving there for retirement. Recently I met this person and he made it sound like he was serious as I am 43 and he is 50, but he is not from Europe, so, if I were to for example get involved with someone who cannot really leave the US or have monetary or work issues, then that would actually be a roadblock for me. I would have to be committed to this person who can't leave or doesn't get enough vacation to go abroad for example, at least not with me.

Can anyone here honestly give me their opinion. Today I noticed someone online, one of my acquaintances, they got married to a wonderful person and they are both great together. I just feel like my life is passing me by and I don't know what to do about it

I also was supposed to go to therapy to address some of my own issues usch as ptsd and other, but I never made it there. I tried a few therapists in the past, and I feel like it's not worth my time and energy; sometimes it did work, I know I am wrong. I am a bit closed-minded in that sense because I come from a different culture also where therapy was not really encouraged.

p.s. I will post this, but please don't be surprised if I am not responding back right away. I was going to take some time off this weekend and during the week I am a bit busy. However, I will appreciate any helpful insight you can provide. I just feel like I can't really chat about this, I can't relate to anyone, and I am not sure who to turn to in my real life... Maybe I already have the answers, and it's actually therapeutic for me to write this, it's just that I am tired of facing everything alone, and I have been feeling alone in my last relationship and in general in life too.

Thank you for reading. p.s. if you respond, please be gentle, I am a bit sensitive.