Should I stay married
Is it normal to not want to have emotions towards your spouse? If I could not feel this heartache it would be easier to walk away. I have grown to hate my husband. We have been together for 15yrs, since I was 18 and he was 29. He treats me like dirt. Seriously, the dog gets more attention. My feelings and opinions mean nothing to him. He will ask my opinion and do the complete opposite. It's almost like his daily goal is set to do me wrong. He controls finances which has given him more control. Although I carried most of the weight from our family business. He believes it's his way or the highway. He refuses to help watch the kids so I always have to be with them while he goes out and does whatever. He likes to party while me and the kids are home and will straight lie to my face. I have even pulled in to the bar parking lot that he "doesnt go to" and he always has an excuse. It was for work, I was doing an interview, we were discussing business. I have been told he goes to strip clubs and has been seen with other women. Although I have not seen it myself my gut tells me it's true. He lies constantly about everything. It has made me insecure and the mind games make me feel crazy. What hurts most is I dont know why? What did I do to this man? I have been a great wife and mom. I do so much for him. I get yelled at every day. I get called a B**** more than my own name. I have tried marriage counseling...didnt work. I even tried antidepressants and counseling to calm my nerves bc I get so frustrated. It has been 6yrs since I was on those meds tho bc i dont feel like it's me that needs to change anymore. Meds didnt change anything. We dont sleep in the same room nor have been intimate in 2yrs. My husband is an alcoholic and has some health issues. He blames intimacy on those health issues but I dont by it. He doesnt want to hang out or do we even act like friends. He always says hes tired and goes passes out on the couch. But several nights will be wide a wake out with friends until 2-3 in the morning. It's hard to let go of my emotions bc I feel like I did nothing wrong. This was the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with and now I'm to angry to sit near him. I just want to stop caring and move on with my life. I just dont know how
You have went through a lot during your marriage with your husband. I understand your anger and frustration that you have and the feelings of wanting to leave him. He has consistently demonstrated to you that he does not value you as an individual and he does not take your feelings or concerns into consideration. You have tried all that you can do in order to improve the marriage and it sounds like that he is not willing to mutually work with you. I understand that you are feeling very discouraged and you are wondering if you should leave him or not. Leaving someone is a very difficult decision to make. Do you think that you would be better off if you left him?
@peacefulIris56
Thankyou for listening and responding. As much as it hurts, I think if I left I would be better off. It will take me a long time to get on my feet. And I believe that if I left he would make it difficult for me and would be even more hurtful. I have already been told that if I left I could be replaced with someone better and better looking. So fear of a young beautiful girl or several being thrown in my face would sting. I think he would smear my name. Hes is very outgoing and knows everyone. So I fear that. The fear of knowing I was nothing to him hurts although I feel that now. I think eventually I will find peace and happiness. And i believe I will be proud that I finally did it. My daughters also told me they think we should divorce. Although I know they see what is true i know he will try to turn me in to the bad guy for making this change. I know I have family support but I am so so scared to make that first step.
It sounds like that you really do want to leave him and that one day you eventually will. It's difficult for you because you are scared of what might happen. It sounds like that you have a strong faith and that you do have courage and that one day you will be able to find that peace and happiness for you and your daughters.
@peacefulIris56
Thankyou💓 I'm praying everyday! Hopefully things will start getting easier. Trying one step at a time
You're welcome. Prayers and effort combined really do help. As your confidence and courage grow, things will get easier for you. I'm glad that you are making progress!!!
@godsoldier1
Thank you so very much for your post! 
It sounds like you are going through a very hard time right now and not just right now, but for a very long time. For that, I am so very sorry and I send you big *hugs* 
I can understand what it is that you are saying. I can feel the pain, the emotion and the struggle in your words. I understand that it's so hard to change the behaviors of others if they just simply do not want to. Sometimes people really enjoy how things are going, maybe he's getting everything he wants and is able to stay in control of you at the moment.
I must say it sounds as if you are in a relationship in which you are having to keep doing the "I'll keep changing, so you won't have to". I think it's so sad that you have had to be driven to the point of seeking medication to calm your nerves around this person, just to deal with life, deal with him and I imagine you did it for your children too. I'm thinking you don't want them to see the upheaval and I imagine you have been trying to emotionaly protect them, be the rock for them that they need while no one looks out for you. It is unfair for you to seek medication if it is not you that truly needs them and I understand why you made the choice to say that you refuse to medicate yourself for a problem you don't have with in yourself, a problem in your relationship that you are not causing.
I'm wondering if doing a google search on "personality disorders" will help you to see that some people are truly this way. Always have been and always will unless they seek help for themselves. They see what they want, another human being and simply go through the paces and behave correctly until their goal has been achieved. It's unfortunate but sometimes people who are in relationships with someone that does in fact have a personality disorder, doesn't really know until it's too late meaning that the damage has been done.
I must say, it does sound like you have a great deal going in your favor. I know, it's hard to see these things at the time when we as people are going through it. So, as for me, I would be happy to give you the positive affirmations that you so truly deserve! You sound like an amazing woman! You are good, your are kind, you are smart, you are so incredibly well spoken! You are able to see the big picture. You are able to see what your current challenges are in all of this and what is going for you! I'm so very glad that you do have family to give you support as you go through this. I'm glad your children are wise enough to sit back and see things for what they are. I think even understanding or thinking of the "what ifs" are quite wise as well. It sounds as if you already know that a "smear campaigne" could ensue and maybe even some of his other behaviors.
As for me, if I had finally found the courage to remove myself and my children from a situation like this, and someone were to eventually throw in my face that I have been replaced by someone prettier, better (at least by what they were saying)? I would simply say, "I hope the pair of you will be happy together" while secretly feeling very sorry for the other person that would now be involved with them. Perhaps it will simply be a pattern and this other person will be next in line to be the recipient of the same treatment that you are currently recieivng.
We have a big community with so many amazing listeners that are truly willing to support you, help you in your time of need. Again, I send you big *hugs* Thank you for your post. I know it took a lot of courage! 
@SparkyGizmo
Thankyou so much! I have been researching on google this past week and reading other pols stories similar to mine. It really helps to know I'm not alone and that other women have gotten themselves out of their situation. Searching for hope. I pray a lot and sit in silence with God when I cant. Today I have felt like crying all morning and the positive affirmations and message you wrote eased that feeling and gave me different way to go about my day. I need to start doing more self care, it's been a long time trying to figure out who I am inside. It's so easy to get stuck feeling down. Thankyou for helping change my thinking process today, I really needed that and kind words. I really appreciate your advice. Hugs💓
@godsoldier1
I agree with you my friend! It is so easy for us as people to lose sight of ourselves, who we are, know that we are deserving of good things and kindness. I'm so happy to hear that you will be engaging in some self care! Many times, we as people neglect ourselves and for so long to the point that we forget that we matter too and our feelings matter also.
As for me, there have been times when I have been like okay...........time out. I know I do so much for so many and rarely do much for me. I give myself the break that I so rightfully deserve. I give myself permission and tell myself that yes, that I matter too. I show myself the kindness and self love that I deserve! If I sit around and wait for someone else to give me "permission" to do so, well it's not going to happen. And some days I have to ask myself, who is this big scary boss that I'm working for anyway? Oh my gosh, I have realized that it's truly just me in the end!
So while self care might not fix every little thing in ones life, well, it sure is a great start as a coping mechanism! As for me, I make sure everyone is taken care of, "the coast is clear" lol, and I throw in the towel! I take a long hot bath and I let other people know around me, it's me time and don't even think about bothering me right now unless of course it's an emergency. I shut the bathroom door, lock it and fill a hot bubble bath. I make me important to me. I exfoliate, I relax, I use richly scented moisturizer, put on perfume and put on my best pajama's. I'm not there to impress anyone but me! I lay on the sofa, light a scented candle, read a book, watch tv and snuggle with my spoiled little dog. And I breath and I breath deeply. And so in some ways, I end up "filling up my own well" when it has run dry. After my time, I feel better about filling up the cups of another, feel better about myself, and I showed myself that yes, I matter too. Sending big *hugs*
@SparkyGizmo
I really love how you put things. I can feel the positive vibes. My day started so bad and I really didnt feel like doing anything. But your message had me thinking I should do something positive... I didnt do much but I went to the store and managed to make it through the day with out crying my eyes out. I am going to keep trying the affirmations everyday. Maybe it will start making me feel better. Thankyou for sharing💕
@godsoldier1
You are so very welcome my friend! I am simply grateful that my words for you somehow helped! I'm so glad that you can feel the positivity and care for you that I have, right through this very computer screen! Some days around here, the magic truly does happen! 
I'm simply grateful to be a part of it all and to be included in those magical moments with you!
I'm so proud of you Soldier and you truly are a soldier! I'm so glad that you found the courage to go to the store and do something positive for you! It feels good doesn't it? And so it's true, "a thousand mile journey does begin with that first step". Some days, little things can turn into big things! But things do take time and I understand. I imagine you didn't get to this point overnight so of course things might not change overnight, meaning, teasing it all apart, untangling your feelings and emotions and getting to a place where you feel stronger. For me, it's not about changing him at this point. It's hard enough to change ourselves as people so nearly impossible to change others. I'm not talking with him, I'm talking to you! You are my focus. Of course I care about your family members also because it's a "package deal" but again, you are the one I'm speaking with! You are the one that is hurting in all of this! So for me, it's good to simply see you "picking up steam". Oh the "Little Train That Could".........I think I can, I think I can........is how it starts out. After awhile, the little train that could says......."I know I can, I know I can".
We as people need one another and I am happy to hold your hand! I really am so happy to hear that you are a woman of faith. I see that as something that is already set in place and I agree, it can be so helpful. I too believe in the power of prayer and one of the things I say to myself sometimes is P.U.S.H. = Pray until something happens.
But God did give us one another. I believe this was His intention and His design.
For me some days, I think of it as if I were sitting in the middle of a body of water in a tiny little boat and a storm comes through. Well that seems pretty scary! And so, I can sit and pray. And this is a very good thing. But I also think that God tells us that "God helps those who help themselves" so, I will pray myself silly but I'm gonna' pick up those oars and I'm going to row like the dickens! You are doing both my friend! *high fives* You are praying but you also have picked up those oars and you are just starting to paddle and that for me, I think that is quite brilliiant. I commend you my friend to reaching out to others, people just like me here on 7 cups! I send you big *hugs*
