My mother drives me crazy
Heyy y’all
Uhm this is the first time I’m doing this so I’m sorry if I make any mistakes…
my mother has been struggling with mental health problems for many years and never really got help and let all her pain out on the family (including me)
2021 was the worst year so far and a lot has happened between us…the problem is I’m at the point we’re I just can’t be around her anymore because I feel so unsafe and so small? Idk she always gets so extremely mad over the tiniest things and often gives me the silent treatment (the longest she ignored me was 2 weeks)
my current problem is that she’s in that honeymoon phase and pretends like nothing ever happened and expects me to spend time with her and take care of her and she always touches me and hugs me even though she know that I am very uncomfortable with that… I just can’t pretend that everything is fine.. I can’t be around her but if I distance myself any further it’ll hurt her and she’ll get more upset and then she’ll get mad way more easily again and hurt us (emotionally)
i just don’t know what to do
(sorry I know this is very chaotic)
@danni123456
I think this post is perfectly clear and not chaotic at all, but it sounds like your mom's behavior is very chaotic. It sounds as though you are "walking on eggshells" which means treading very carefully so as not to set off the other person's abusive behavior. Oftentimes, this doesn't even do any good as the littlest thing makes them go "boom" and you're back in the thick of it.
You say she never sought any mental health treatment, but I hope you will consider getting some therapy lined up for yourself, if you haven't already done so.
thank you for your reply
yeah it really feels like i’m walking on eggshells…like i’m always expecting a huge wave to crush over me
i just don’t wanna hurt her by distancing myself…
getting therapy doesn’t seem that easy rn because first i can’t have my mother find out about it and second i feel like i can only start “healing” once i move out of this house
thank you again for your response (:
Can you use the gray rock method until then? Sometimes that helps. I'm sorry that you're going through this.
I am trapped in horrible situation!
I have been manipulated lied to , and cyber stalked and harassed and discriminated against my rights violated . Oh and to be clear by family how awesome is that 😒? They are helping my abuser to boot also to fabricate evidence to use against me to get my kids taken away from me.. yeah you think you have problems 🤔🧐😒 umm bet I beat you by thousand on crap-o-meter! I at first didn't realize for certain that my own mom was helping him. I didn't want to believe it ..I was like she wouldn't! Wrong hahaha way wrong 😒 it's the people you least expect that you need to watch out for . If I told you from start to now it would make sense and take awhile so this is short version and you just have to take my word for it that it's all true and pretty messed up to realize your behind enemy lines. That you have been set up for stuff you didn't do lied about dragged through the mud beaten just to find out your own Mother would lie to help your abuser just hurts worse then everything he has done to me .
hi
thank you for sharing this with us
i’m really sorry you’re going through this (?all by yourself?)
and i’m sorry if my complains seem unreasonable and made you feel uncomfortable in any way…
i really hope things will get better for you!
- @danni123456
- Hey you have not made me feel uncomfortable or anything negative at all I can relate to unpredictable explosive personality and what is so bothersome about it 😒 is she doesn't behave like that Infront of other people coworkers friends.. nope she knows she would be introuble for behaving like that Infront of other people but in her house around my brother and sister close family she is awful. She lashes out over remote control not being where she put it and instead of looking for it she bitches accuses till it's found and usually it had fallen between the recliners or under hers but in the exact area to where it should have been...I mean it's a remote control it's not stolen it's here and she has FN Roku remote control app on her phone she can connect to the tv not saying we should not look for it just isn't life or death and it always been found is my point. So it got to where I and my boys no longer watch tv in living room if we do it's what she is watching usually something stupid or inappropriate like drag queens no I don't have problem with them I actually like RuPaul's drag race but I don't think it's okay to watch that with my son's.. it's her house so I tell boys go to garage or youngest to go to his room where his PS4 is hooked up until she stops watching it. But she will bing it episode after episode .. so on those days kids and I watch DVDs in garage or play video games or they play on their PS4s and I lock myself in my room.. I cook meals for everyone not just my kids and I no no for my mom step mother and my husband and two boys..if I don't cook they act like there is no food and order delivery off door dash or one of those apps that cost spit tons of money .. I usually do cook but if I do not feel good I shouldn't have to explain that I shouldn't be expected to cook I sometimes will go ahead and cook but if I feel God awful or things coming out one end or the other or both then the flying pigs I will . No one should have to cook if they are that sick ...I am only one who does dishes so cook to turn around and have to load it up 😑🤬😡😒 umm what happened to whoever cooks doesn't have to clean up but okay fine I do it because even if they didn't eat what I cook I'd still have to clean up after my husband boys and I right so I don't bitch it's petty .. but when my mom invited my brother and his wife and all 5 of their kids and they cook make mess not just dishes pans no the whole flipping house because their kids running around getting into crap leaving babies in pack in plays but babies bounce their pack and plays around to get where they want to go to get into crap or they turn the babies loose but no one is really watching them that is why the floor will be trashed with papers they tore up and food they gave them but didn't clean it up afterwards yeah that's not my job or responsibility to clean up after them I don't drink wine I shouldn't have to clean wine glasses after they leave.. then when I did clean one wine glass put it in dishwasher top rack where it's supposed to go hear my mom complaining about it 😒🤬 ok 👍 great don't clean them hear crap can't win.. I serve my mom and step mother hand and foot cook bring them their plates .. I don't like telling my mother what I'm cooking cuz if I don't cook it how she thinks I should hear bitching 😑😒 I have tried to explain that there is more than one way to make something people make substutions changed to recipes doesn't mean it's wrong or ruined..I finally can't take it anymore and pop off are you the one cooking it? No .. did you buy it? No then you can either eat it or don't eat it! It's easy to bitch complain about something someone else is doing then to do it yourself that would take more work on your part because you would have to get up of your butt .. OMG 😳😐😒 I don't have to cook extra to feed them .. I don't have to bring them their plates but I'm the one who is ungrateful unappreciative are you serious 😒🤔 anyone would loose their paitents being treated like this.. so I stay in my room or garage try to avoid being alone and around her period..I try to keep mouth shut if asked questions yes no I don't know ask husband or swy nothing at all.. I have gotten where I feel like it would be easier to piss in bucket then have to go upstairs walk past them to go to bathroom or piss on towel and wash it that's not okay that's not right.. her yelling one time over crackers Yes you read that right GD crackers and who ate them? I said it's just crackers husband works at grocery store can bring home some more no matter what I said she wouldn't stop and threaten to shoot me over crackers Infront of my kids .. I pointed out to her that when she has to explain why she shot me to judge and that it's over crackers she will loose she is the normal balanced one as soon as she threaten bodily harm she lost . That pissed 😒 her off even more I said you would not stop yelling and I was like it is food can be replaced then you threaten me Infront of my kids. Okay I so much more but as if that isn't God flipping awful enough she is trying to make out that I stole shit when I FN didn't boys know I haven't I'm always here don't go anywhere everything she has brought from my sister's supposedly or her dad's I can't prevent that it's her house whatever she brings into her house I have no say about or can control .. she has on several occasions tried to get me to use her credit card I have told her every single time I don't use anyone's credit card I don't care if they say I can it's not mine I don't feel comfortable doing it and by me not doing so don't have to worry about them lying making out I used it without permission .. I pointed out to both my mom and step mother that now of days there are cameras everywhere you can't use credit card at ATMs without being on camera or gas station or grocery store all cameras ..I know I haven't used any credit card period I have my pay card but unless I put money on it haven't used it and husband buys everything has hnr card and my pay card and he has used your card both of your cards to be exact but not me I can't stop him from being stupid but that's all on him between the three of you and you let my brother use your card to get food when he is working that's not my business..by not putting myself in that situation refusing to be I don't have to worry.. that pissed her off ! Yeah so as you can see there is nothing normal healthy about my relationship with my mom period. That is just most recent stuff let me tell you my childhood memories are flipping horrible a FN nightmare talk about trauma really you have no idea! Oh but then she will act like everything is ok nothing happened and want me to come watch tv with her I know that it's a trap if I give in she will say something to try to get me to be upset something from my past or about my kids so I refuse to oblige her request.. if I do I try to make excuse like check on boys or chores to do or cigarette 🚬 break to just escape before anything can happen.
@danni123456 what exactly is she doing ? I mean it is hard to make any assumptions one way or the other about her behavior without any examples of situations that has happened from start to finish.. I do not want this taken wrong. I am sorry you feel that way and if you really want to help yourself by removing yourself from her presence next work on therapy for you then with therapist approval include your mom explain that you want to have better relationship with her but till you work through things between you two you think distance from each other is what is needed till then. But you can not pretend everything is ok and honky dory and out of nowhere act like she's some horrible person .. you have to be direct and set boundaries but in respectful none combative intaganistic way . Since your relationship with her is touch and kaboom any moment I agree that boundaries will need to be set once out of her house.
@Fallen1sadness
well idk if it’s appropriate to just make a trauma dump here?
i mean I think I could talk about one or two situations I’m just scared that I can’t explain it exact enough (because it’s just so difficult cause it’s been going on for so many years and I just realised like seven months ago that my relationship to here might be not normal) and that someone is going to tell me that I’m just being dramatic and overreacting…
cause I’m pretty sure that it’s not normal but I’m not sure enough yk..
