My dad says he wishes he had my disability
I haven’t seen my dad in 7 years but he would sent me birthday and Christmas emails every year. I told him I have epilepsy by asking him to translate my medical records, but he never asked about it, only telling me afterwards that if I wanted to know how he was I could follow him on FB. My therapist told me he’s a narcissist. I never thought about it until our recent exchange of emails where he complained about how I didn’t tell him I had an accident last year. I told him that it was caused by a seizure which he knows I get because I have epilepsy, and that I didn’t tell him because we don’t talk and he never asked about my condition anyway. He proceeded to express how neglected I’ve felt over the year. He told me that I was selfish and spoiled because I was being ungrateful to him who provided me food, shelter and an education for 15 years while he said nobody in this world has ever worked harder than him, and that I can’t understand his struggle with stuttering which he said is worse than whatever I have, that he’d exchange his stuttering for my epilepsy any day. That really hit me and ever since then I’ve been feeling worthless.
@singularitypls I am so sorry to hear this.
It sounds to me like your dad, does not care about your special needs.
I am sorry he is like that.
I have you talked to your dad, about being more supportive of your disability/Health Condition?
If not I would try to have a heart to heart conversation, with him about this.
See what happens.
Also let him know how you feel.
Communication is important, in any relationship, but not only that, in general communication is important, so you let people know your thoughts and opinions on matters that are important to you and what others have to say to you as well.
But no communication, can be a road that could end up very messy.
Someday you might need someone, if the only person who can help is your dad, they chose not to communicate with you, then that could be a dangerous situation.
I feel you two need to work on communicating with one another better.
I would strongly encourage that the both of you, see a therapist.
In this case, a Family therapist.
They can help with communication.
I hope this helps.
I wish you the best.
I’ve tried—we’ve all tried communicating with him in several ways. I wrote him a long message about how he has hurt me, but all he focused on was how I said he’s supposed to provide food, shelter and an education to his children, and called me ungrateful. My sister has a life-threatening brain disease and he still said he wishes he had that instead of his stutter—because his disability is worse than anything we could have.
He already disowned my older sister for not giving him money from her inheritance, and told me that if if I have contact with her he doesn’t want to speak to me either. He was so upset when his relatives didn’t want to give him the majority of the inheritance money and told me that he wishes I was rap*ed and that no one would believe me so I’d know what it feels like to be in his place, where his family doesn’t believe he deserves all that money. He called me “petty, covetous and small minded”, because I said what I said and told him that our disabilities are worse. My sister and I almost died from our disabilities and he has constantly overlooked them. He has never asked about my epilepsy. He has never even acknowledged it. He took in another family after abandoning us and spent millions for them. Giving them a house and car while we had to move houses 13 in a year because we didn’t have anything. We lived in poverty. And he was the reason my mother was deported.
Still, people keep telling me to understand HIM. That I have to be the one to approach HIM. That my siblings and I have to see HIS side. It’s so easy for people to assume that a complaining child is a spoiled child that just does not understand their parent and that has not done anything to deserve to be understood by their parent. He has always talked about how he HAD to support us as if given the chance he wouldn’t have, like he did with my sister. Why do people talk as if it’s a huge blessing to even have your father support you as a child—as if what’s normal is that a father doesn’t? As if a father should be rewarded for taking responsibilities? That is what my father thinks. He thinks he should be rewarded for every single good thing he has ever done. He thinks I owe HIM money for sending me to school. I’m sure that when I do get money, he’s gonna nag me for the rest of my life to support him like he is doing with my sister, and people are just gonna stay silent and agree with him. Because, again, WE are responsible for our father. Not the other way around.Petty, covetous and small minded
I'm very sorry to hear you have such a strained relationship with your father. As they say, "you can choose your friends but not your family." Based on what you've said there has obviously been a breakdown in your family structure. You've said you've made your feelings clear to your father and he hasn't responded in the way you would hope. Everyone has their own perspectives on life and there is not nearly enough information here to take sides.
I don't know your age or your life circumstances but if you still need your fathers support financially you pretty much need to live by his rules. If you are independent the healthiest thing for you to do would be to establish your boundaries regarding your fathers involvement in your life. Sometimes it's better to have no relationship than a destructive one.
My goal was to try to build a relationship with my father who abandoned me when I was 15 and started a new family. He decided that we no longer deserved his support because we are “terrible, spoiled and selfish people”. I’ve been supporting myself for 10 years now and have tried to tell him about my epilepsy which he has never acknowledged. He believes that he should have gotten more money from his inheritance, and that my half sister should have given him the inheritance she got when her mother died. My half sister also has a life threatening brain disease which she has almost died from several times. He has told me that he’d rather have our disabilities over his stuttering any day because we “can’t even begin to imagine the torture he has gone through” because of his stutter, which is worse. His words. He says we owe him money for giving us an education, and refused to pay my sisters child support after she was 14.
He has told me he wished I was raped so I’d know what it feels like to be “betrayed” by his family, and he has wished my sister dead because she refused to give him her mother’s inheritance. But of course, people always assume that a complaining child is the one who needs to change. That I have to understand HIM and be obedient to HIM. I haven’t replied to him and he has already sent me 3 long hate mails calling me petty, covetous and small minded and that he is the only kind hearted person in the family.
sounds as if he has some extreme issues with everyone ..... which clearly shows HE is the problem....... he does not want anything but a big pity party and it only gets worse as they age....
People seem to think they have to keep in contact or have a relationship simply because they are family...... NOT true ... toxic is roxic and needs to be cut out or seldom dealt with
