It’s my life, whether you like it or not

I’ll never be able to say this to you in person mom, so I’m putting it online with a bunch of strangers because therapy is expensive. You’ve controlled every aspect of my life. You refused to test me for learning disorders and when I was diagnosed you didn’t tell me. You made me feel like I wasn’t living up to my potential because you didn’t like where my potential really was and that I couldn’t reach it without help. You ignored all of my cries for help until they started messing with your friends’ views of you, then you pushed me off onto a religious councilor and hoped it would knock the gay and sad out of me. When I tried to die all you worried about was that it was nearly Christmas and how could I do this so close to my sibling’s birthday. When I fell in love you found ways to destroy it. When I needed support you locked me in a hospital and acted like you were the one hurting that I was there. You chose where I went to college, what I would study, and what I would do with my free time. I’ve barely had any choices in my life, and now that I’m almost free you keep trying to destroy my plans and rip my future from me. I wish I could cut you out of my life. I wish I didn’t need your approval. I wish you would have let me make even one decision as a child so that I wouldn’t be utterly paralyzed with fear at the idea of having to make a choice by myself like I am now. You wanted me to be you so badly that I never learned who I am. Now I don’t know that I ever will. I have plans for my future, and I know you don’t like them, but they’re mine. Maybe by making this step I’ll feel more like a real person and not a disappointing extension of you. Maybe I’ll learn who I am