I built a wall...I guess
So um, I don't know how this happened, but I seemed to have built a wall around myself, keeping me away from my family. Not a real one, I just mean that I have become isolated. I don't like to talk about my feelings too much anymore, even if they are referring to my manipulative father, because my mother thinks I'm overreacting. I'm fairly sure that she only thinks this because she had an even worse relationship with her father than I do, but I do think that my father is a bit abusive, and I'm afraid of him. I'm especially afraid of his treatment of my mother, and will get incredibly panicked if they mention anything relating to them arguing, if they disagree, or if they even raise their voice slightly. For example, yesterday my mother told me that my father wants her to quit her job, but she doesn't want to, so my dad told her that he would "make a big scene" to get her fired. My heart immediately started racing, and I had to take a walk to calm down. Now, every time I have something wrong going on, I have this scenario play out in my head where everyone in my family turns on me, saying that I'm just "stupid", or "too emotional". I understand why this is happening, considering that my dad turns things on me all the time, if I accuse him of being wrong at any point in time he'll automatically turn it on me, but that's not exactly the point. It's not good for me to be so afraid of talking about stuff, but I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
@orangeSail337 Hey, from someone who grew up in that sort of environment, I understand. It sounds kind of natural that you would build a wall. When you shared your feelings in the past, if you didn’t feel validated or safe in doing so, then that would naturally inhibit sharing. Are you looking for ways to open up more within your family or is it that you feel this affecting your relationships outside of family?
Both. It's affecting my other relationships, and I want to be more open towards my family.
@orangeSail337 Well, I am guessing you might want to try to overcome this somewhat in your outside of family relationships. Inside of the family, you may have to be more “strategic,” in what you do share perhaps. There may also be ways to let your mom know that it’s not helpful if you express something and she responds by saying you’re “overacting.”