Eating Disorder - Stories of Hope

(I tried to be as least triggering as possible, so no specifics BUT **trigger warning** for talking about self-harm and suicide)
I agree, I think hearing about how others have pushed through and are well on the path of recovery can be so encouraging and inspiring I don't think mine is the most exciting, but it's still my journey, so here is my recovery story

While I never had an official diagnosis of an eating disorder, I always had a bad relationship with food and with my body (well, at least from probably grade 5). So I usually only say I had 'disordered eating' because I was restrictive, but I think maybe a part of me is still trying to deny how bad it was. It got to its worst point in university, it was the first time I was wholly responsible for getting my own meals. And I just let it slip. I could barely study because I couldn't stop thinking about food. My monday morning classes were the worst, I basically missed entire lectures because the entire time I was just in pain, constantly on the verge of passing out.

The thing about not eating properly, is that it makes you feel even worse, in all other areas of your life. It made my anxiety completely out of control. I had always been afraid of public speaking/giving presentations in class, but now it had gotten to the point where I would gag right in front of everyone because I was just so nervous (which obviously didn't help!). I would get anxious for days before something, when before it would have only been a few hours before.

It made my negative thoughts even worse. When I wasn't thinking about food, I was thinking bad things about myself and wanting to not be alive. It made me so light headed that I would pass out all the time. It even made my self-harm worse, and to top it off I would often pass out afterwards because my body just couldn't take the stress with such little energy.

I always thought I didn't have an eating disorder, that I wasn't that bad, that I didn't qualify. I never talked to anyone about it, and the only time anyone would say something about my weight was either: people saying they're jealous of me (wow a great way to reinforce bad behaviours haha) or my mom getting mad at me because I was making her look bad (because people kept asking her if I was okay).

I had a lot of stuff to work through, and I didn't really feel it at the time, but it was all made 100% worse because of my disordered eating. So, when I was in my last year of university (which was around 2 years ago), I decided I would give it one last honest try to get better, and if it still didn't work I would just give up and end my life. I went to the counselor at university, and started working through the variety of things that were making me feel so awful. We never focussed too much on my eating, but for the first time I did talk about it. I talked about it with someone who actually cared and who wanted me to get better. She made sure to ask what I had eaten every week, and on the weekends it was my 'homework' to email her what I ate (weekends were always the worst for me). It put pressure and responsibility on me for the first time, but not in a negative way. It was never meant to shame me or make me feel bad, but instead to provide me with a frame of reference, to have someone there who knew what was going on and who would be there for me. If I had a bad day, then it was just a bad day, not something to be scolded for.

Almost at the same time I started going to counseling, I met my boyfriend, the first person who ever showed me that they loved me and cared about my health, and who wanted me to be alive and to be better. I think I was so stuck in my own world, one that only saw myself negatively, that I forgot that people even liked me. Or maybe, just convinced myself that they didn't.

Having these two sources of support helped me feel better about my body, about how I look, and to realize that what I was doing was never ever going to make me feel better. I knew that already, I think everyone knows that, but it really helps to have someone be there for you, judgement free. And after some time (and working through other things with the help of CBT), I was on the path to eating normally. It was tough at first, it gave me a lot of bad feelings, but I was determined to keep pushing through. And know what? It made everything easier. It made my anxiety pretty much go away?? I still get nervous over things, but wow, I'm at a point where I probably wouldn't even say I have anxiety anymore! And I 100% attribute that to treating my body better. I was able to do so much better in school, it felt so much less stressful. My negative thoughts became less overwhelming and I was more capable of managing them. I felt less depressed and worthless overall. It's just...it's amazing how much better you feel, even when you're doing something that you thought would make you feel awful!

I know my journey is not over, that I'm not completely through recovery yet. I can absolutely manage my behaviours now, but the thoughts are still there. I still feel overwhelmed and can get triggered sometimes. During difficult times I still think about restricting my eating, or seeing my body negatively, but I know this is something I can handle. I know I'm in control of myself now, and that this is my body and these are actually my choices and this is my life, and I'm not going to let anything take that away from me anymore. I'm not going to let disordered eating take me over again, to make my head think lies about myself. I often feel like it was the support I got that helped me get here, but I know that it was equally my own power, that no one but me could have made me feel better, that this was from my own efforts and dedication and struggle and courage.

I never would have imagined that I would be able to get to where I am today, to feel the way I do about myself. But I do I made it, and I'm still making it every day. And I know everyone can make it too, I know that strength is in you, that you have to power to overcome this

okay... My story isn't as great as another I readed on this same debate, but... okay, I want to tell it. I'll not write some parts because are really hard to swallow and I don't want anyone with the same problems to panic. Also... English is not my first language, sorry if I made a mistake

Everything started in primary, in 5th grade exactly. I was in a new school, I was the new one. The school wasn't great, and the students weren't too. I only liked my teacher a little bit, because the classmates were bullies and the directives unmotivated the students. In 6th grade the bullying started to grow up a lot, and my teacher didn't worked with us anymore, she was pregnant or something. I started to loose my hunger and I didn't bought middle time lunchs (at 9:30 am we had lunch but not the class of lunch you eat at 12:00 that is a strong and complimented one) I started to stop feeling any hungry and slowly I starved more and more to the point that when I finished school at 1:00 pm I throw away the food that my mother served me for lunch. She didn't knew that and still don't know. Then I throwed away the breakfast and sometimes the dinner (we don't eat together so no one notice what I did to the food) I started to feel more tired every day and all that were from 6th grade to 8th grade (long story about organization of the grades in this country) The bullying was something big and no one told me that I were fat or something, I just started to stop eating because the sadness did not allowed me to swallow the food and digest it. Then I went to another school, the one where I am now. I was diagnosed with anemia and had to drink pills to replace all the lack of food I throwaway to the trash. I still have that problem but is minor. There are days when I don't want to eat and there are are others when I want to. aaand... I don't have anything to say, sorry.

@Amphios
*trigger warning self harm * ....well when i was 13 or even younger i started to feel like i was really fat so i would starve ... i eventually lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks and i was at my lowest weight i ended up going to the hospital because of self harm and suicide but i wont go into that ... i was purging there and starving somewhat i got hungry so i would eat something then throw it up people caught on and made me wait a while before i went to the bathroom and when i did they would stand outside the door ... then when i went to my long term hospital for suicide and self harm ... i was put on purging precautions and starving ans self harm and agressive precautions for my saftey they then put me on a 1:1 because i would scratch and cut with almost everything if it would even do nothing then i would break alot of things to hurt myself id even use erasers .... do NOT DO THIS . thank you your worth so much and thats that but i went on and on with trying to purge so they would restrain me everytime i would try or hurt myself i eventually found if i dont think about the thought of food in me i would not feel like throwing up because if i did think about it i would automatically throw up and it was so hard to stop trust me now i havent starved in almost 3 months or more i dont know i have purged in a very long time like a year and a half

@Amphios this is great, I will deffinetly put a story together to share :)

Hi guys! I just want to tell you guys what happened a few days ago that honestly really helped me, I still struggle with anorexia but I am getting help and this honestly helped me the most.

Im in track and field, and I do shotput, but I just started a few weeks ago, for the first time. So Im not that good yet. I have friends in track with me, but Im only going to mention the two that helped the most this day. (They all help me in different ways, but the way these two decided to try to help me, it changed me, and I would recommend finding friends like them and hold on to them for as long as possible.) A few days ago, I was really upset with my body, even more so than usual, and while I was throwing I noticed everyone else getting further than me, and then my mind went to thoughts like You might throw further if you werent so fat, maybe if you had muscle where all your fat is then you would be skinny and able to throw better. It must have shown on my face, because while my two friends were taking a break from their running practice, they came in the cafeteria to watch me throw. (We move the tables and throw in the cafeteria for indoor practice, in case you guys were wondering.) It must have shown on my face because they said things to try to make me feel better before they went off to practice again. After time was up and practice was over, I was by the doors waiting for my stepmom to pick me up. Then I heard a voice shout, Hey Is that Marie I see?! Oh my gosh, she is too beautiful! Im blinded by her beauty! (I told this story in my feed, but that had limited letters so this is in more detail..) and another voice chimed in, She is a goddess! An angel! Oh how marvoulous! Oh how magnificent! And I didnt know what to do, my self hatred thoughts stopped for a moment because maybe Im not as bad as my mind makes me out to be, I mean, they stick around right? So I did the first thing anyone else wouldve done, I struck a pose and put on the goofiest smile I could, which only earned me more whoops and hollers from them. It made me feel like maybe I actually am worth something. I dont know if this will help anyone, or if anyone actually read this, but please just find creative ways that you think will actually help your friends, or if you are the one struggling then find friends like these, and if you dont have friends, or have social anxiety too, then come on here because we can help too! Hope you guys liked this!

adoring this quote!!

Congratulations, you

Posting myself a reminder to put a story together.

Hey everybody. I put together a bit of my story to share. Thank you 7cups for created this thread and allowing us to open up and share our stories.

Bulimia and Me

At the age of 19 I developed bulimia nervosa, a nightmare that would continue over the course of the next 10 years. It wasn't like I didn't want help, but I ignored by doctors, and relatives didn't care. It was more of an opportunity to shame me, which would often leave me feeling worse.

Finally in 2013, I had an emotional and physcholigcal meltdown that left me hospitalized. It was during this time I learned about mental health from a healthcare perspective, but I still didn't understand how and what it had to do with me.... sick right?

It was that denial that lead me to take action on my addiction and mental health issues, and learn new skills to cope. I am very happy to say that almost 5 years later, I have learned to live a bulimia free life, and lose weight the proper way. By the proper way, I mean changes in diet, eating healthier, and being more active. This is in addition to my mental health coping strategies.

Take Care everyone, thank you for letting me share.

i wanna say im kind of mad at myself because i weighed myself and i lost [edited by Anomalia to remove weight specifics] pounds or so thats not why im mad im mad because i didnt loose enough and my dad look you lost weight and that he said you are doing good ... but i said no its not enough its not [edited] pounds is it he said be realistic or something like that i was angry i just wish the problems with eating would go away does anyone have this problem