Thank you so much! I don't know how to classify my issue. Two significant relain my life always threatened me with abandonment over my weight. I'm in the healthiest relationship of my life now, and so blessed that he doesn't think twice about my weight as an issue to leave me over. However, I have an ongoing battle. I can't see anything but fat in my mirror. My gynecologist told me to gain weight because I was risking my organs and my bone health going through menopause at what he called underweight. I weighed 107 and was content, but I also want to take care of my organs and bones so I thought I'd gain 10 pounds and be ok. I've gained 18 pounds and I'm disgusted. For years, I feel so guilty when I eat. I don't binge or purge just because I hate vomiting. I stay in constant mental conflict over my weight. I try to remember that it doesn't matter what other people think, but my life has been based on making others happy (I'm a people pleaser, unfortunately). I also try to remember that the media are liars and only show us what they want us to see. I started watching British television because there are virtually no body stereotypes in the actors and actresses. They're accepted as an actor or actress based on skills, not body style. It's refreshing. I try to give myself positive influences about my weight, but it seems to get worse as I age. Anyway, that's the crux of it all.
