Balance
The Backstory
last year in May I had a Sadi-s bariatric surgery. I was ecstatic about finding balance in my life, building a healthier relationship with food, and overall living a more productive lifestyle. I started off strong and I lost 90lbs over the span of a year, but for me it wasn’t enough.
Where I am today…
Now I can’t even look in the mirror without seeing and feeling and thinking that absolutely nothing has changed. I’m so disgusted with the fact I see myself the same and when others compliment my achievements I feel irritation because I genuinely think they’re lying or just being nice. My eating habits are slowly starting to spiral back to the same cycle prior to surgery of binging, vomiting, starving, shame, repeat. I’m constantly feeling like I’m failing just by the way I feel physically and look… it’s causing me to loose any type of motivation and that’s disheartening because at one point I was truly so proud of me and I feel I’ve lost that. Im starting to have gallbladder attacks again and my bicarbonate is high in my blood work. I’m truly just spiraling and getting it together seems so overwhelming right now. I miss my healthy lifestyle but some days I look at myself and feel so disgusted like I don’t deserve it and then food makes me nauseous.
@SouthernRaine
Heya Raine, thank you for sharing all this, that isn't always easy.
I can't say I have been where you are, because every Eating Disorder and every relationship to food is different. But I can say that I do relate to all these overwhelming thoughts and feelings. It's so hard to build something, and not fall back into the old system, and the never-ending cycle. Not just in the way you act, but also in the way you feel, and the urges you get.
When you feel overwhelmed, what is something that helps you calm, or look at the situation and your thoughts in an objective way? If there isn't anything, that is valid too, but I do hope you can find one. All the best for your journey 💜