Struggling - TW: ED & Self-Harm mention

Hey,

I hope this is okay like this as the two topics above co-inside with each other. So, hopefully by the above title, it will limit any issues that could arise, though I hope none do.

Eating Disorders is something I have been struggling with for a very long time, it was at age 9 that it had affected me so much that family started becoming aware but it was before then, maybe age 7/8 that it started. This was due to various reasons which I won't get into now. For a while though, it hadn't been so bad because when it was brought to my attention that other people started noticing, I started doing my best to take more care in hiding it. I never fully recovered, I still acted upon thoughts relating to it but it wasn't as bad after a while and that's because I then started self-harming. I won't mention how I did so. But it was probably in college that it get really bad and became my main source of coping. Well, back in 2020, mid Feb I want to say was the last time I acted no my self harm urges but in stopping myself for so long, in September that year I did something else. Sorry if I'm being cryptic, I just want to be as careful as possible here.

Since then, I haven't done anything else, I've come close on numerous occasions but I haven't done anything because I then started relapsing deeper into my ED. And since then, binge eating has become my new source of coping, reading helps to a degree as does writing but it isn't enough. I have been to therapy over the years too and on a waiting list again for another place. What my main concern is now is that I had a blood test recently which included sugar levels. I have received feedback and results from 2 of the 4 things I was tested for, iron and rheumatoid levels but not received anything for my folate or sugar levels. I still have to have this phone call appointment with the doctor even after receiving the two main results and I don't think it will be regarding my folate which just leaves one other, my sugar levels. My mum like a week ago said maybe I have diabetes Type 2 and at first I was like...naaah, it won't be...but as my other results keep coming in and I still need this doctors appointment for blood test results, I am now increasingly more anxious that my mum could be right. And if it is Type 2 Diabetes, it means major life changes, like my diet to help sort it out. And this is where the height of my concern plays in. If this is the case and I need to cut back even more, I am going to be losing my comfort foods which are helping me with self harm urges. I'm worried that if those comfort foods are taken away from me, I'll resort back to my old ways again and I feel stuck and overwhelmed and numb and just, my system feels overloaded and overworked big time that I don't know what to do.