Sexual reawakening in recovery
What was your sexual reawakening like during recovery? Sex has always been a very "pure" act to me -- I have always been utterly untouchable because I fear the fragmentation experienced by losing my physical form in someone not meeting my unrealistic emotional and physical standards. Do other people experience this? Does sex ever become the aesthetic projection of love that my mind has defined?
To such a degree that ... Loses sight of any boundaries between herself and her partner ... Terrifying experience... Temporary loss of identity... Body begins... Ends... Fragmentation
@MyPaperFace - for me, while I was still struggling with my eating disorder, I was reasonably sexually active, but usually with the purpose of trying to 'prove' something to myself. I would sleep with people to try to feel attractive or worthy, but not because I really wanted to, and would let myself get used in a way that I shouldn't have.
As I recovered, I reclaimed my sexual agency more and was able to recognize the difference between sleeping with someone because I wanted to and sleeping with someone because I thought it might take my pain away, and that shift has made my sex life 1000 times more fulfilling, healthier, and generally better.
That's not to say that it's always easy to be with someone when you still have body image issues that you're struggling with, but for me, in some ways, it has helped me to realize that the person I'm with doesn't see the flaws I obsess over and is happy to be with me, no matter how I'm feeling about my body in that moment.