Relapsing?
I feel like i'm relapsing back into disordered eating habits. I was never diagnosed with an ED but have had symptoms for 5 years. I would restrict for a few days and then break down and eat until full and then purge. Id purge anything i ate or exercise obsessivly after meals. I lost my period for a whole year. I stopped purging and restricting in 2014 and gained weight and gained my period back.I had been purge free since last April but I broke that last Saturday:( I never feel hungry but force myself to eat on a schedule otherwise I eat to much and then feel guilty. I"m tempted to purge after meals again and continue to restrict because I'm not hungry and don't feel like I need that much food. I"m also exercising every day and feel like I need to increase the amount I do. I developed constipatipationissues in the last month that I feel might lead to lax abuse.I feel like my disordered eating is all over the place but I can't tell my doctor because I don't purge on a regular basis or skip meals or lost my period again.
First of all, thank you for reaching out and opening up. I struggled with an eating disorder on and off for about a decade, so the idea of relapse is very familiar, and I think that the number one thing you can do to help yourself is to be honest with yourself and others to get the support you need.
Over time, I'm realized a few things about relapse - first, slipping a little doesn't have to mean a full blown relapse. It's natural to have good days and bad days, but be vigilant when you feel yourself slipping like this and work to get back on track. second, recovery doesn't have to start the first day you are symptom free. Slipping doesn't take you out of recovery, doesn't make you start back at day zero, and doesn't discount the work you have done so far. third, no matter where you are in the process, you can absolutely ask for help from friends, family, supporters, doctors, etc. Don't feel that you need to have lost your period or be purging frequently to ask your doctor for help. If you feel like it is serious, then it is and your doctor should be working with you.
I hope that helps, and please message me if you want to talk at all. I've been where you are and know how hard it is to admit you need help, but I'm really proud of you for reaching out. That takes guts. <3
