I'm terrified of the next steps...

**ED TRIGGER WARNING**

My eating disorder has rapidly increased to the point where my therapist wanted me to go to the ER. I went to urgent care today with the support of a friend and was deemed medically stable so I was able to be discharged. I don't have to go to inpatient, but I still need a higher level of care than I currently have. I agreed to do an intensive outpatient program at my therapy center and I'm terrified.

The thought of having anything solid in my mouth is too triggering. I can't bite out of anything... I haven't eaten a full meal in a week. The thought of consuming anything over a certain number of calories terrifies me. I can't do this, I just can't.

I'm going to have to eat a meal and a snack there every day. They're going to make me eat solid food. I'm freaking out and my anxiety is rising to the level of panic attacks and I haven't had one in almost two years. I can't do this. I just can't.