I don
Hi I'm 21 years old and I'm about 5 feet tall and weigh around (weight edited by Shanna 6/4/20). I've always hated myself. I hate everything about me, I have since I was a little girl. But I don't know why I hate myself so much. I really hate my body and how it looks, I look in the mirror all the time and just think about how awful and terrible I am. Every time I eat I feel guilty, I think about my body again and how much I hate it. The only way I've been able to lose weight in my life is through starvation and even then it's not enough, the scale doesn't move enough for me. But it's not just my body I hate, I hate my mind too. I hate how it thinks and what it tells me. I hate every aspect of myself and it's getting harder to deal with it. I just want to know what's wrong with me.
Hi @Cayleybug
I feel the same way about myself as you do you. With current global situations it's not easy and I knew this from the start as a Healthcare worker. I worry about what I'm eating and think "where is the fat going this time?". I find writing in my journal when I'm low helps me from time to time and I have one friend who I can share everything with. I have some guilty secrets that I am so ashamed of and my mind is my worst enemy. Mind over matter as people say is where to start. I've been working out on online with a friend and we encourage each other so much, plus it makes me feel less lonely.
I've always been obsessed with the way I look because I was never pretty. It's a shame we live in a stigma filled world. We have to look a certain way then the next we dont then the next we do and my mind is just a swirling mess and I'm just so confused.
I have never been a person that follows fashion trends, but when I do make an effort I never feel it's enough then I start to dislike myself more. I am a huge comfort eater and boredom eaten and It's very annoying. So I swapped a lot of unhealthy foods for healthier versions and I've found it's helped keep my weight stable. I barely have potatos and sugary things in the house, unless I'm baking. I try to workout when I can as well. I did recently buy a skipping rope but get nervous to use it outside incase someone spots me. It feels like a never ending battle but when you have good days soak in that joy!...sorry for rambling ^_^