Eating disorders.. What helps?
yesterday I told my husband I was struggling with the whole eating disorder thing again. He asked what he could do to help, the only thing that I could think of was to not put pressure on me to eat (which I'm obviously going to say as the whole eating thing is a big struggle at the minute).
When you've reached out for support what have people done that you've found helpful?
I feel better that he knows as trying to hide it was causing so much stress and anxiety but I really don't know what I need from him right now.
@TwinkleStar1 - There were a few things that I found really helpful in my recovery that others did. Recovery is different for each person, but think through these and see if any feel like they might be helpful in your situation.
1. Educate themselves - for anyone who hasn't had an eating disorder, it can be really confusing and a lot of things feel like stubbornness or illogical when they are a very normal part of the disorder. Reading, talking to people who've been through it, looking at support groups for supporters, etc., can all help them to learn more and to be more sensative and helpful throughout the process (side note, if your husband wants to talk to someone who has been through recovery, he is welcome to PM me here)
2. Recognize small victories - it can be easy to get caught up in an all or nothing mindset about recovery, both for you going through it and for him supporting you, but one of the most helpful things to me was just people recognizing and telling me they were proud of me for the small victories - getting up the courage to go to a support group, facing a fear food, etc.
3. Remember that recovery is more than weight restoration - often people get focussed exclusively on the eating side of things which is important, but not all of it. Supporting you emotionally and encouraging you to get that support elsewhere is important, and it's crucial to remember that even once you are eating 'normally', that doesn't mean everything is better - it's still good for him to check in and support you.
4. Equally, remember that life can't be only about recovery - I had some supporters who could only talk to me about my eating disorder all the time, which was exhausting and not particularly helpful. Far better were those who made it clear that they were there for me and I could talk to them about it / checked in about it, but the rest of the time remembered that I was a person with lots of other interests we could discuss, too.
5. Figure out what makes eating easier and support it - Do you do better eating alone, or with him? Is it easier to eat with a distraction or focused on it? Does cooking together make it less triggering or more? Try different things out together, but figure out what works for you and then incorporate that more. Similarly, while your recovery can't be about him changing his whole life around, if there are small things, like not keeping a particularly triggering food around or eating snacks together that help, you can figure those out, too.
@Georgie4 wrote a really great post on supporting loved ones with eating disorders that is also worth a read, for you and for him. You can find it here
If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me. I would be more than happy to support you or him through this. Take care and stay strong!
