Bulimia
Ive been struggling with bulimia for years but the past few months has been really bad. But its become such a normal thing for me, even when its escalated I dont feel horrible about it anymore. Every meal I eat I just get nauseous and it reminds me to purge. The only time I feel bad is when the only person I told about this confronts me about it again and again. Im trying to find it in myself to see what Im doing wrong, but I cant. If Im too see that scale go up again I dont know what I will do. I feel like Ill just crumble. A lot if the times I really pray I have more will power against food and even admiring people with more severe ED. Its a horrible thought and i hate myself for thinking that.
@C97
It really is hard to stop yourself from purging, it becomes a vicious cycle. I understand, I have been there. However, your self-awareness in to what happens to you and how you feel after eating is the first step towards recovery. Evertime you eat and feel nauseous, the after-effects of purging your food can be scary because someone close me to had cardiac problems which drove me towards coping in a different way and distracting myself with music, reading books, joining a group of people and hanging out with them. Hopefully this helps and gives you a bit to think about..
