Relapsing Subconsciously? (Or med changes? Both??)

Some Background

Slight Trigger Warning

So over a year ago I was diagnosed with Anorexia (with Bulimic tendancies). I was very sick at the time. Eating was all that I could think about, more specifically, not eating. It flooded my mind. Every bite I took made me feel like I was gaining. I purged even after eating very small amounts and worked out until I couldn't move anymore. I only consumed maybe [edited by Anomalia for calorie specifics / triggers] calories on a good day. I lost about [edited] pounds in less than a year. I dealt with very low blood pressure, faiting, and misconceived priorities.

Recovering

I ended up being sent to a psychiatric hospital for about half a year (for things more than an ED) I found a lot of help there, but I actually ended my ED after being discharged. I have not purged for about half a year now (maybe more?) And I don't feel the guilt surrounding my eating habits as much as they used to. I wouldn't say I'm restrictive, but I do try to limit unhealthy foods, but not to the point where I starve myself. My blood pressure had returned to normal and I didn't bruise as easily. But one thing that did make it very difficult was the fact that I was gaining about [edited] pounds a month due to a medication I had been taking. This definantly made it very hard to recover, but in a way. it made me accept the idea of gaining weight. It got to the point of this is just how it is.

Now

I have been taken off that med that had been making me gain, and put on a stimulant (for ADD). I don't really think about it, but I subconciously just forget to eat. I almost just don't feel hungry. Then when I do eat, I can only eat a small portion because my stomach has probably shrunk. I don't feel sick, nor do I feel mentally unhealthy. I'm honestly really comfortable in my body now, but I can't tell if dropping that med has caused me to lose weight very rapidly and it's just my body trying to go back to normal, or if I'm subconsiouly denying my body food. It's almost like having anorexic tendancies, but without the anorexic mindset. But ocassionally, when I get my monthly weigh in, I can't say that I don't enjoy seeing the numbers seeming to be effortlessly dropping.

One thing I am worried about is that this could cause a relapse. I try to think about scenerios in which I get weighed and the number is higher than last time. I feel as if I would relapse, or that I'd be very upset, even depressed. And the rate that I have been losing weight seems a little rapid. When I left the psych unit in December I was [edited]. Last month I was [edited], and today I am [edited]. I don't think about losing weight until I get that slight rush after seeing my weight every month. I almost feel acomplished. I did want to lose weight though, a healthy amount, just to put me back to my average healthy weight, (since the med caused so much gain.) But it's dropping faster and faster, without any effort on my part or thought. I'm worried that once I get to my healthy weight, 1. I won't be able to stop losing, regardless if I want to or not. and 2. It might become a challenge in my head, similar to how it was in my eating disorder, seeing how much weight I can lose, how low I can get.

But I am not in that mindset. If I could chose to stay at this weight I would. I don't face the dysmophia or the severe self esteem issues that I had before. But I can't help but notice the tone of excitement when I say, I lost more weight.