I relapsed and feel another one coming
Hi, I am an anorexic and was doing very well for a good long while. But I also suffer from depression and anxiety and lately I've been going through a bad period. So I relapsed the last two weeks and have not really eaten anything. I felt ashamed but at the same time, felt in control of at least one aspect of my life. Since saturday I've been better in both depression and anorexia: I've eaten well and today I cooked. But the anxiety has not lowered so much and my mind is racing. I feel I can not control it and I fear that this is going to cause another relapse very soon. I am scared because I don't want to go back to this dark place.
@Packita Hi There, it sounds as though you have an awareness of what is going on for you and the fact that you dont wish to go back to that dark place, is actually a really good sign of self awareness and personal growth. Of course, saying that doesn't diminish that your feeling right now and I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. Recovering from anorexia is a hard and long journey and you have done so well in your battle with this so far. It sounds as though for the past couple of weeks, you are feeling that the only thing you can control is your eating? What do you feel has changed for you recently? You mentioned you feel ashamed. You have nothing to feel ashamed about, I know saying this may not make you feel different but you are battling with some very difficult things and you are doing your best to overcome them and deal with them. What makes you feel ashamed? I can appreciate that you are scared about relapsing and please reach out to people here who would be only to willing to support you.
I have posted a couple links here for you about anxiety and depression...Moodjuice have a lot of self help guides on these issues and you may find it of use to you and 7cups have self help guides as well including depression and eating disorders.
@dancingRainbow45
Thank you for your answer and the links. I am working hard to get back on my feet. I felt ashame because I was disappointed in myself and I couldn't believe that I was back to this point again after so much progress. I can not bring myself to tell my family because I know they will be disappointed again and I would hate to be treated with pity. I feel very lonely and unwanted these days and I believe that triggered the depression and anxiety. And even though being self aware might seem like a positive thing, it is what hurts me the most because I am constantly analyzing how I feel and why and it leads to overthinking and anxiety and depression crisis. I try very hard not to think, with yoga, breathing/relaxation exercices, anything and everything I can think of that could help but nothing. I am just very tired of having my head full and would love for it to just stop.