Feeling lost

I've battled with a eating disorder about 2/3 of my life. I was diagnosed (anorexia sub purging type) few months ago and was suppose to attend a inpatient treatment program and failed to go. Twice. I've lost a lot of my friends due to this, my dad passed from cancer 2 weeks ago, I also have a child with a chronic illness and lately things are just catching up. I've switched my behavior (as I always do) and I am currently out of control ? Not sure if it's just bc of everything going on or if I actually hit rock bottom and need this program to work? My husband doesn't feel the program is necessary and I really don't want to go against his word but also need to think of the bigger picture here.