How Has Therapy Helped You?

I think this is a great question!

Feel free to skip over the blue parts, it just gives the background into what was going on.

Around the time I was diagnosed, I had a great deal of frustration and anger over all the things that went wrong, I had a list of more than 20 things. The type of stuff I'm referring to is things like the health care system having a major glitch due to an employee's mistake so when I tried to change my address I couldn't (that affected the entire province, yet I was the only one to follow through on that to ensure it was fixed). Individual doctors would have my info, but some specialists, especially connected with the hospital would use a different system to see where one lived. No one even seemed to be aware there was an issue they would blame me for not following the procedure correctly to get my address changed. This list didn't even include things like a doctor who I went to when have really serious problems who said I was just stressed and needed to go for a walk and get more exercise in a week (I was unable to exercise at the time because of how sick I was, before things got to that point I was really active).

On top of all that anger and frustration over those problems, I had a great deal of stress over my diagnosis. Going into see my specialist I had a pretty good idea I was going to be officially diagnosed, but I thought I had a very mild version of the condition. I had waited about 6 months to see him so I had already come to terms with it sorta. My concerns going in were related to changing some of the medications I was already on for other things that worked really well for me, as some were triggers for some people. I wasn't sure if he was going to be believe me on how I really was better with them. Instead, my hematologist turned out to be someone who really valued what his patients thought about their experience and triggers. So no messing with those medications. I left though discovering that what I was experiencing wasn't mild, I basically should have been in the emergency room every day getting treated and I was going to be doing IVs on myself 2x a week. I was totally unprepared to hear that.

On top of that time. my school was really messing with stuff big time. They weren't sticking to basic information about medical leave, common procedure. Things like they stated the clock would still be running on my program, whereas a medical leave is supposed to pause that. I ended up having to drag myself to a meeting on campus (at that point with how sick I was I ended up with a pretty bad attack every time I went there just because of the walking from public transit to get anywhere, walking between buildings, being around people who smoke, wear scented products, etc.) I also had a cold which is something that even know with how controlled things are usually cause throat attacks. I was still clueless then though about how to handle things, I'm not even sure if I had started the IV treatments yet or not, so I was incredibly sick and losing my voice. I had planned to meet the student ombudsperson before the official meeting. He acted like I had no clue what I was even talking about first, because things that I had been told were just so wrong according to printed policy. Some of the information I had been told over the phone, but I had also printed off an email where some of this stuff had been stated. His eyes went wide when he read that email. He finally started to see I wasn't the one totally confused, the faculty was totally messing with me. The meeting actually went really well. The faculty basically said we don't know why you were told any of this we will follow proper procedure. The stress of just being told this stuff over the phone and getting that email that was so totally wrong and could have basically kicked me out of school caused me a great deal of stress when I was already really sick (and should have been in the hospital).

I met with 2 different therapists around the time I was diagnosed, just because one switched clinics and I couldn't see her anymore as part of the free counselling I got through school. I don't know how much it actually helped with the stress and the anger over all the issues but I really couldn't focus on anything else, I would distract myself for a little bit but as soon as the distraction was over that was it. So therapy at least allowed me to feel like I was doing something to handle such a negative time in my life instead of just sitting there and letting things get worse. My first therapist actually left shortly before all the school crap happened, so I searched around and made an emergency appointment. She had left the clinic on bad terms, so she was surprised to hear from me as they weren't forwarding anyone to her new place. I was so angry and frustrated about how they were really messing with me (it felt personal) so I will say that the emergency appointment was really helpful, as it let me get through my meeting without crying as before that trying to mention it to anyone I would just start bawling (on top of the stress a normal person feels HAE also causes prodromes which can include strong mood swings at the time with having attacks so frequently I would have overlapping prodromes and attacks).

I also knew before I had my first IV training appointment I wasn't going to do well with that. So on top of the emotional stuff it was to control the anxiety I had related to that. Therapy did not stop me from getting to the point where I was almost unconscious during my first few sessions (tunnel vision so bad I actually could not see, couldn't talk, but could still respond in small ways and basically breath clinging onto the consciousness I had). I think it helped somewhat though and it gave me a few techniques to try.

After a few years of doing IVs, I was switched to doing subcutaneous injections most of the time instead. I started freezing up before giving myself these, where I would go to stick that needle in and my arm would just stop. It would take me hours to finally do it. The ongoing response I had with IVs I thought wasn't unusual, I had heard from others going through the same thing, so I just took it as hey, I was doing it, so what if I was getting a bit lightheaded and all sweaty, I was doing it and it was way better than it had been. My freezing up with something that was so easy relatively showed me that there was still anxiety that was out of proportion to the situation. So I went back to therapy. Having seen 2 therapist already where this issue was part of what was being covered, I wasn't sure what was really going to help. I sought out referrals to get something more specific and I also had a consultation with a hypnotherapist and I was prepared to see him if a it didn't look like therapy could help. It was a bit frustrating how difficult that referral process was. The first time I went in, they didn't know what to do but 'would look into it'. I had to go back shortly after for other things, so I asked about that again and they had no luck, but I could see a therapist connect to the care network for free so they set that up at least. That therapist couldn't hlep me, she really could only provide some relaxation techniques that I had alrleady done, and I could only see her for a few appointments due to her position within the network, but she knew where to refer me to. I had a wait to get into a clinic that dealt with anxiety specifically.

When I finally got into see the therapist who dealt with mostly anxiety issues, she really did help me. She went over ways to do exposures and also gave me little tips that helped with some sticking points. The funny thing was I never actually had the actually therapy that I was doing with her, it was all on my own (no sticking myself when with her). I think small little suggestions she made to me made a big difference than if I had just followed the exposure resource she told me about (and I have shared it in anxiety support, it's a free ebook) as those little tips she suggested helped lots. Most of the time now I don't have problems with injections (IVs can still be stressful, as they just don't always work, even if it's a nurse, and doing it myself is hard). Since then things do pop up, like when they switched the needles I used to ones with huge needle guards, or using a new medication that I have to inject, but I get over it quickly.

I could have gone on without the last therapist. I was managing. The impact that anxiety had on me though was lowering my quality of life, being that stressed out and taking that long to adminster medication multiple times a week sucked, so I think overall I'm much happier for having done it.

@Emily619 Thanks for sharing. You did an amazing job.