When you are forced to accept that you are disabled
I'm new around here, but not new to #invisibleDisabilities since I've been living with depression and comorbidities for qlmost 2 decades.
A couple of years ago, I finally got diagnosed with chronic migraine. I've had "headaches" all my life, but they really started getting bad about 5-6 years ago. The first time I realized what was going on, I was working retail and mentioned to a coworker that my head hurt so bad that I thought I would throw up. "Yeah, that's a migraine" she said, and it was like a fog of ignorance lifted. I got into my doc and into a headache clinic shortly after that. Treatment was started.
A couple of years ago, I ended up failing out of graduate school because of migraines, even with disability accommodations. I was depressed, but thought that since I had a BA, I would be more or less OK. Fast forward to this past December.
I ended up getting a migraine at work to the point where I was put on administrative leave while the company decided if they could keep me on. Lots of paperwork was sent back and forth. 7 weeks later (with pay, at least), I was given my pink slip. Long story short, I am at a point that I can't work under florescent lighting or at a computer monitor for more than a couple of hours at a time. Not exactly what a prospective employwer wants to hear
I feel that my migraine condition has gotten to the point where I have to go on Social Security Disability. I've spoken briefly with a lawyer, who said that it sounded like I had a good case.
I am male, 46, married, and have raise 3 kids. When I was growing up, the man of the house provided everything for the wife and kids. That was a huge part of what I learned it WAS to be a man, a husband, a father. And now I can't do the job.
Having to confront the fact that you are unable to be what you were always taught that you were supposed to be is really hard. At least the VA (Army vet) covers my and my wife's (Navy vet) health coverage.
Having to come to terms with a completely new identity based on something that you were taught was "not enough" is really hard to wrap your head around.
I think that can be one of the hard things when a disability changes what we used to be able to do - the identity change. There's the sense of loss on it's own and then having to readjust how we view our identitiy can be difficult.
I wish you luck with the social security benefits.
@AffyAvo thank you. The identity change is something that I spent a good couple of weeks working on with my former therapist (Why former? He said I was good to head off on my own for now! Yay!). It's still hard to wrap my head around, since I still feel in my head like I "should" be healthy and productive.
