My battle with manic depression.

I've been depressed several times in my life.

When I was in high school and didn't have a girlfriend, I was depressed.

After college, I was depressed several times. Once, when I was unemployed and involved in a civil lawsuit.

Another time, when I went through a divorce and my Mother died.

Another time, when I went through a break up with an ex-girlfriend and was all alone.

This past time was the absolute worst and lasted a long time. I was forced to leave a long time apartment that I loved due to the building owners changing hands. I also had a very important relationship with a woman and her children come to an end. Lastly, I was losing a lot of money in the financial markets.

I moved in with a family member and it did not go well. I made them miserable because I was very unhappy with my life. They almost evicted me.

I moved into a hotel and was going through a lot of money. I was so manically depressed that I was practically bedridden. I stayed in bed over 20 hours per day. I showered once a day and left my room once a day for only about an hour. I only ate one meal a day.

Due to all of this inactivity, I became constipated for the first time in my life. I went 29 days without taking a poop. I was always so active in the past, that the constipation made things even worse.

I thought the best days of my life were all long gone. All I wanted to do was die. For almost two years I was suicidal.

I even developed cystic acne for the first time in my life. My skin was worse in my 50's than it was as a teenager.

I had no health insurance and did not want to go to therapy or take anti-depressants.

Family members wanted to help me, but there was no helping me. I couldn't be helped. I told a good friend what was going on and he was worried. He called the authorities and they did a welfare check on me.

Eventually, things slowly started to improve. I started getting out of bed and walking more. I started going back to the gym. I started becoming more social. I shifted some investments around and my finances began to improve.

I finally had sex again with a woman for the first time in almost two years.

I have been active for almost six months now and the constipation went away. Also, the cystic acne is almost all gone. I look better. I feel better. I am happy again. A lot of my best days may be behind me, but I am also very optimistic about the future.

I have not been diagnosed, but I believe I am bi-polar. When I beat the depression, I sometimes wind up in a manic high. I'm trying to keep things at more of an even keel.

If things go wrong again in the future, I will not lose all hope. As long as my health is good, I hope I never lay on my back for over twenty hours per day again.

All the best to everyone here battling depression.

Do not give up hope!