Dear Fellow Human Beings...............
Dear Fellow Human Beings,
I'm sorry that I exist. That I am different. That I'm a freak. I didn't choose any of this. I wish that I could be like you all: Smart, strong, beautiful people. I wish I could change but, I can't. There are so many things racing through my mind at once. So many feelings that I hide. It's all so overwhelming. Most of the time, I can't even tell what I'm feeling, all that I know is that I am feeling a lot of things at once. I'm sorry that I'm fragile, confused and, introverted. I know that I will get absolutely nowhere in life. Life is moving to fast for me. Everyone else is either caught up or ahead. I'm extremely far behind. I will never grow up yet, I find comfort in my little bubble full of depression and loneliness. It makes me feel safe. Even though I know it's destroying me more than it's saving me, I'm afraid to leave it. I'm afraid of stepping out of it, only to be pushed back inside so, to avoid this, I just stayed curled up inside, away from facing my fears. I make no sense. I overthink everything. I'm afraid to trust yet, I always do. You could shoot me 200 times and, I would forgive you and stay by your side. Maybe that's because I'm a sad human. Maybe it's because I think of other people as beautiful gems who always deserve to be treated with care. I know that I am stupid and that my standards are too high. I'm sorry that I am a hopeful person. I hate being hopeful because having hope can lead to being let down yet, I'm always hopeful. I'm just sorry for everything. I wish I could take it all back. I'm sorry.
Sincerely, Arielle
@AJayZa Everything you say sounds so guilty. You caught my attention because my doctor just said that to me a couple days ago. I'm still figuring it out. One thing I do know for sure is that there isn't a timeline that we're supposed to follow in life. I'm an introvert too, so alot of the time I feel like I'm invisible and missing out, but it's hard to get out of my bubble too. It sounds like you have some goals and mind, just think about how good YOU feel when you accomplish something. Who care's what someone else is doing? They are not you. It's good that you care about others, the world needs that but you come first. You're not alone, take care of yourself.
@BlueBalloon704 Thank you for reading. I do have goals, lots of them. I often call my mind a treasure trove because it's so full of thoughts and ideas lol. I have dreams but, I'm afraid of chasing them. I'm afraid that I will fail. I wish I could be like the people who don't think and just jump into a situation but, I'm not and most likely never will be like that. I think about things even years before they happen, which causes me to be even more cautious and fearful. I feel so lonely and misunderstood because I am saying one thing and the rest of the world is saying another and, when I tell them how I feel, I just know that they think I'm stupid so, all I can think of to do is say sorry for my stupidity. I don't even know how to take care of myself or, where to start. My idea of taking care of myself consists of hiding from the world so that I can spare myself the pain of judgment. I don't see anything wrong with it now. I don't mind the depression and, anxiety because I feel that they protect me from even more pain that I would have to deal with if I were engaged with the rest of the world. I know that someday this will end up completely destroying me, and for some reason, I don't mind. I am just slowly waiting for it to happen.